Three Years

In three years we've:

Created life (and raised him 11 months)!
Moved into a house
Gone through like, 10 cars.
and 4 different jobs
Been struggling poor, and sailing smoothly.
Gained a lot of weight...(and lost some too!)
Fought more fiercely than ever before.

Loved more fiercely than ever before.

Here's to reigniting all the things that made us fall in love, and getting back to those smooth sailing days.

♥ 31 months ♥ 36 months ♥ 52 months ♥ Eternity to go ♥

{Girlytech feels} hope

How many month-a-versaries has it been? Life grabs you by the lapels sometimes and just won't. quit. shaking. Until your teeth are rattling out of your skull and you think you can't take any more and then, slowly and ever, ever so softly you come to a rest in a field. And all is calm, and quiet... and you think.. nope, I cannot trust it.

That's exactly where I am right now.

Sitting in the middle of a field. Bruised and battered. Safe. And I do not trust it. Not in the slightest. Because for every up there is a down.

For every "I respect you and the work that you do" is a "we don't need you anymore". For every bill paid on time is another half dozen past due. For every, "let's pay off our friends and family" there's a "can we make the office into a bedroom?" And for every office made into a bedroom, there's someone who'd rather be homeless and high than safe and sober. For every olive branch extended is a second chance forgotten. For every projector screen, and blue tooth device, and HDMI switch, and window motor, there's a box full of clothing and broken glass. Life refuses to be perfect. To be neat, orderly, and tied in a bow. I suppose, if it was, where would we get our great stories from? Where's the adventure in normalcy? Where's the thrill in complacency?

So I sit, and pick the petals off of a daisy. I wait, for the storm clouds to rush in. I pray and I look to heaven on my scabbed and scarred knees and ask whatever God will listen to hear me. Hear me. hear me.

I like it here. I don't want to leave. I want to take my home, my family, and wrap it in a shiny bow. I'd gladly take a douse of normalcy and complacency for an ounce of security and if that makes me square... So be it. As you can see these wounds take time to heal. But if you have patience for my wrecked caterpillar of a body, I can guarantee you're in for one kick ass butterfly.

4 years / 7 months

March 22nd, 2009 -- I don't know that I could have envisioned my life as it is now. A seven month old son with the world in front of him, a four year relationship with his father. That a relationship which my initial intentions were for a casual fling, has turned into the love of my lifetime... well, it's pretty darn surprising to that me four years ago. To me now though, I wouldn't imagine it any other way. Who else would I wake up every morning to, who I'd yell at for staying up all night, not being a good father, and blowing money on car parts? I can't imagine it being any one else. I can't imagine anyone else to share my life with, to have this family with, to dream about the future with. We're flawed beings but we're flawed together, and somehow it makes it okay.

Things are finally starting to look up for us. We've both got jobs making okay money, enough to live on for once, and John's at a place that I think actually recognizes his talents. I'm still a temp, but I'm okay with that, because I'm looking into starting a medical assisting program to get out of the cycle of dead end nothing jobs. It's not a huge jump in pay, but an extra $9k a year would be nice for sure. The degree will essentially pay for itself within my first year of employment, and that's always a good thing. Admissions aren't the easiest process, I'll have to call up some former employers and get them to write letters of recommendation for me, but I think it'll be worth it. It's one of those things you just have to do.

I've started the couch to 5k plan, and so far so good. My biggest obstacle is that I either have Chuck Taylors or Nike's that are a size too big for footwear. I found an amazing deal on some minimalist running shoes on nomorerack.com so that issue will be resolved soon and hopefully I'll be able to pick up some speed. I also need to look into a sports bra that won't try and pop over the top of me while I'm moving...and pretty much all the clothing I'm wearing isn't exactly great for running, but I'm taking it one step at a time and shoes were definitely the priority item.

I'm trying so hard to get my life together. For my family's future, for my own state of mind. I hope that I am able to keep going strong and accomplish my goals. Baby steps might be the way I need to do things but I'm determined to get there. When Oliver's at the age where someone asks him what his parents do, I want him to be able to say his dad's in IT and his mom helps people be healthy. That or they don't do anything because they won the lottery.... but, you know, realism. I also want to be strong and healthy for him and set a good example for eating and exercising habits. I'm doing the Slimfast thing right now until I get closer to my ideal weight, and it's definitely working, though my shape is still leaving much to be desired. Hence adding in the running. Once I'm used to that routine I'm thinking adding in strength training would be good too. Oliver's well on his way to 20 pounds and getting harder to lift these days. After I get the weight under control then I'll feel more comfortable switching back to eating a more normal diet. Though I think keeping in mind the Slimfast 3 meals 3 snacks, and moderation is definitely something I can stick with. I like not ever really being starving, even though I'm eating less calories.

So, there's an update! We're at a turning point for the better I think, and I hope and pray that this one, unlike all the rest, we can maintain.