Going vegan...ish

Idly flipping through Netflix one weekend I came across the documentary Forks Over Knives.

With John's heart problems, weird tumor things, and previous exposure to all kinds of cancer making things it seemed kind of no-brainer that a vegan diet is the way to go.

So I did a ton of research and discovered that all of what they say in that documentary is fact... and that it's kind of scary.

After depleting our store of non-happy food in the house, John and I did our first grocery shopping trip. Two days in, and so far so good.

Here are the strict guidelines as laid out in the film/research:
- Vegan diet (no animal protein of any kind).
- Low sodium diet (the caloric intake must be equal or more than the sodium mg)
- No oil
- No sugar
- No refined foods.

That's pretty extreme, but ... so is cancer and heart disease. However, I just don't think that diet's realistic to jump into - especially whilst almost 5 months pregnant. So I'm doing something a bit different...

- Lacto Vegetarian (cutting down but still trying to get enough servings as recommended for preggers. No fish, no chicken, no eggs, the only animal anything will be from dairy)
- Low sodium (1:1 calories:sodium mg)
- Minimal oils (No oil for instance, in the hummus I made, but a drizzle while sauteing veggies)
- No "fake" sugars. No HFCS, no corn syrup, no aspartame, etc. Cane sugar / organic sugar / honey is preferred, but plain old sugar in moderation allowed.
- No MSG, or anything on the label you don't know what it is.

John is a bit harder to win over to the dark side... so he's changing things up by doing the above with the below modifications:
- No red meat. Limited land animal protein, most protein from seafood.
- Reduced sodium intake (1.5:1 calories:sodium mg)

We'll see how it goes. It's been two days so far and it's not that big of a deal for me. I've found the texture/taste of meat pretty gross in the last several months. If baby wants to be a vegetarian, I'm okay with that. I have a pretty large need for cheese though, which I'm trying to cut back on...we'll see.

I'm just as content with grapenuts as fruit loops, with apples instead of pop-tarts, with hummus and veggie wraps instead of chicken and pasta, as mushrooms and rice with low sodium soy sauce instead teriyaki beef.

We've also decided that one day a week we'll allow ourselves the indulgence we've been craving. Whether that's chicken wings (Wing Tuesdays anyone?) or a steak or a bag of potato chips... who knows. So far I am content knowing I'm putting good food in, getting good nutrients, and making myself healthy (and by proxy the baby healthy). I want John to be old enough to see his kids get married and have kids on their own and there's no way that's going to happen if it's all steaks and cheeseburgers.

So..it's written down, now I can hold myself accountable. :) Wish me luck on my healthier trails!

3 Years

March 22nd, 2009 is when it all began....

Three years together.

Just about as long living together... (shhh we don't break social norms!)

One year, eight months since forever I do.

Eighteen weeks into "Oh my goodness, what ever shall we do?!"

Growing, learning, loving. Praying, hoping, wishing. 

It's been a wild ride, this love. Everything seems to always be happening, yet never at the right time. Or... things seem to happen at the right time, then everything else falls apart. 

Hand in hand, we remain. Two heartbeats against the world....three heartbeats against the world. 

Here in a few months hopefully I'll be able to write about all the joy I have for something else as well.

I get to find out the sex of the bell-pepper sized acrobat growing inside of me. Then we'll be able to formulate and scheme just a little bit better, be able to narrow our gaze to just a few names, and finally know whether 'it' is a he or a she. Whether we're into tiny little suit vests or big ol' tutus. 

Three years we started this... and here's to three more... and so on, and so on.

♥ 15 months ♥ 20 months ♥ 36 months ♥ Eternity to go ♥ 

Baby names and updates on life

I've gotten a lot of people asking me if we have any names picked out, so I figured this would be a good place to share the list we have so far.

Chances are the name we decide on hasn't been thought of yet, we tend to flip flop back and forth. Middle names are in parenthesis if they apply. And for ones that don't have middle names, just go with Lee .. that's a good middle ground. Or Francis, one of the best teachers from my youth gave everyone the middle name of Francis....

Girl Names:

Bellana (Paris)
Laureli
Victoria
Faye
Lily
Reagan
Elizabeth
Jean
Anna (Marie)
Megan (Gwynn)
Chloe
Quinn
Annika

Boy Names:

Bradley
Brandon
Elijah
Peter
Warren (Kenneth)
Oliver
William (Thomas)
Wesley

and... John says no but I say they're still in the running....

Zefram
Nicolai / Nicholas

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
This past week hasn't been the greatest for me... starting to show even more than ever and it's starting to kill my self esteem. If I stand up straight... I can't see my toes....

John pulled me into the bathroom to stare at myself in the mirror, told me I was as beautiful as ever, and made his hands into a heart on my tummy. So, you know, at least there's that.

It feels good to have support from most of my family as well. I think a few think we're too young, maybe foolish for the timing, I don't know.... but for the most part it's congratulations and war stories and it makes me feel happy that we told everyone. I know the biggest critic of my life will always be me, and I know I'm too young, and I know the timing is horrendous. I also know that despite the fact I feel like crap 24/7 and want a sling to help hold my tummy up... I've never been happier. Never more in love, never more excited for the future. And really, it's not necessarily that I'm too young either, just that I don't have a workable degree. Had I gone for dental hygiene like I had originally planned out of high school, I'd be a lot better off and the perfect age. I don't want to work once the baby is born anyway, and Johnathan is a breath away from 27 and has a workable degree that can make six figures if he wanted it to. So... yeah. We were finally caught up on everything and getting ready to pay down debt when we got pregnant, life was looking good. Fate had it we'd both be unemployed a month later. Such is life.

Anyway, thanks for all the kind words! We'll know here within a month or so the gender of the baby, and then we can really start scheming ;-) I've got a low paying job to finally bring in something since unemployment was denied, and Johnathan's applying and hoping. If you know of any places needing an IT guy, he's your man.

Smiles and Sunshine.

13 weeks, 4 days

Yes, I've been holding out on writing a blog.

You see... I sat down and started to write one but all I could think was...

If they're following me, my life, then...maybe they care, and if they care they should know

I'M PREGNANT

I'm mean... no big deal or anything, just creating life in my belly.

So...A bit about life, an update, and such.

Uh.. let's see... the last update I did was for our one year legal marriage anniversary. Well, that was a day before Christmas Eve.

On Christmas Eve work was slow, so I took some VTO and went to Kmart with some coworkers. I grabbed a coat for Johnathan for Christmas (one which he returned b/c apparently I have no style), and a pregnancy test. I was three days late and had felt like I'd been PMSing for a month so... it seemed like a good idea. A coworker Sam prompted me too (essentially forced me? :-p). I then went back to work and took it...because why not. There they were... two pink lines staring at me in the face. Hugs and such and me walking up to my manager and asking to speak to her in private and the first thing she says is "you're pregnant, aren't you?" and I was all... "uh.....yes?" Apparently that made sense, or something.

I put the stick in John's coat, go home, and have him "try the coat on to make sure it fits" and ask him to check the pockets. I pee on the second stick, just to be sure. We have a good freak out and go back to ignoring the situation at hand. He doesn't want to tell anyone because of the genetic instances of miscarriages and the fact that our roommates said they'd have issues with a baby, and our due date puts us a good two months before our lease is up. So... of course I tell my bestie and the grandparents, but ask them to keep it mum.

Nausea, complete loss of sex drive, hyper smell, all that good stuff.

Then work fires me, for a not great reason, but a reason nonetheless. So, they cover themselves, and don't have to worry about covering any maternity leave stuff. Good for them.

Unemployed, I make my way to the doctor's office on January 23rd. See the heart of my little baby thunking away, but that's about it because he's sooo small. 

January 26th Johnathan gets laid off from his job... =( Because he already filed for unemployment earlier in the year when he was making little... his monthly income is now about what his weekly income was while working...

Feb. 14th I go to the Perinatal clinic to get tested for Down's and Trisomy-18. I get really good pictures of the baby, sucking her thumb and everything. (I'm trying to switch up pronouns... but he/him will probably squeak out more...) 

Feb 15th my roommate Chue lets me know that one of his coworkers quit and they need someone ASAP. I'm familiar with the tools, and the business, so they hire me that day, and I start on the 16th. I'm waiting to tell this employer until it is quite apparent that I've got a parasite taking over my insides to avoid any 'reasonable' firings or anything of the like. I probably will lose the job once I give birth though, especially since a coworker has scheduled a month long vacation which starts the same time the baby is due.

Today (Feb. 20) I go in to get the lady parts swabbed for cancer and go over results (and hear baby's heartbeat!). I'm negative on all the bad stuff and my chances of having a baby with Down's or Trisomy-18 are significantly lower than other people my age. I've got another appointment mid-March for followup testing and to check for spinal cord/stomach defects.

Since everything from the first round of screening looked good, and I'm passed the first trimester where miscarriages are significantly higher... there's no denying that there's a baby in there! (Not to mention the fact I can no longer button any of my pants.... :-\)

So... there you go world. I am scared, excited, stressed.... Grateful that I have a job now, worried that John does not. Thankful that our government recognizes the need for pregnant mommies to be to have free/affordable health care. Looking forward to having a baby shower and getting in a room of people that all know I'm pregnant and are happy about it. I welcome hand-me-downs, words of advice/encouragement, and most of all --- love. I've wanted this for so long, and now that it's here... I'm honestly terrified. There's so much to do, to be done... now and then forever. I'm so blessed to have the love of my family and amazing husband and I know that somehow, someway we'll make it through. I'm anxious to meet the baby - for one plus one to equal three.

 ♥All because two people fell in love. ♥

Oh, and, it's close enough. Love you Tan!

♥ 14 months ♥ 19 months ♥ 35 months ♥ Eternity to go ♥

Day late...

...but hey, it's the thought that counts, right?

I haven't done one of these in a while...well, I haven't posted in a while either, so I guess it just about evens itself out.

Happy Anniversary my love! While it's not our more celebrated date, it's there. Our signing the papers and now it's official day. I think giving our Christmas gifts early and a super tasty dinner was a fine way to commemorate the day, even if it wasn't planned out that way.

Tan, my tan. I never would have thought so much would happen in just one short year. Look how far we've come. Not where we wanted to be, but still together and still loving each other. Still having each other's back and sharing in this life we're building. Brick by brick. Arm in arm. Always.

You are still my forever, still passing the porch test, still being that wonderful misfit I've loved for so long. I can't imagine a life without you in it, I don't want to. There is no way out, no back up plan, no expiration date.

I can't wait to build up our life even more, to purchase this home in which we live, to have actual children fill the rooms instead of roommates. I see us in a few years, lighting up the same tree, hanging our own ornaments, being where we want to be.

It's been nearly three years since we took a leap; almost a year and a half since we were married in the eyes of God and all we love, a year since we were married in the eyes of the state. While each chapter has its up and downs, each one has ended with the story being better than it was before. For that, I am grateful, for you I am grateful.

♥ 12 months ♥ 17 months ♥ 33 months ♥ Eternity to go ♥

Thanksgiving

Our family, over the years, is getting smaller - not larger. There are no new little ones prancing around infusing the air with their laughter; with the drama enveloping each one of us in our particular family units, and as a whole, it's hard to remain optimistic and cheerful.

While it was no great loss to me to have my parents removed from the family hierarchy, I know that it did affect some, especially my grandma. By taking me in, by loving and adopting me, her own son turned his back on her. She had to lose him. And, rightfully so. There were no poor judgements made and I don't think any regrets. He's no one to want around, at all, but still, he's family. With that we lost three.

With the issues lying between my Aunt Christie and Uncle Dave... there was bound to be a family member lost. However, with his death and her person struggles... we're down another two.

Each family unit has there own struggles, and causes for concern. Each has their own reasons for not being there. Yet, the holidays don't seem to feel like holidays anymore. It's not like I remember them, anyway. Maybe that's part of growing older, and maybe things will have more life when I have tiny little feet pounding their way in front of me. Maybe it's just that the family unit is not what it once was. I mean, we can't go back to what things were, and maybe it's better this way....

It's just sad, the emptiness that seems to be there even in a full house.

I am thankful for the family I do have. For the love they have of me. I am thankful that even though we (or John more so as I ran the numbers over...) owe them so much, they don't seem to hold it against us. The same goes for all the friends he's in the same situation with as well.

I am thankful that though times are hard, there's a light always at the end of the tunnel. As long as we keep working towards that light, I think everything will be okay.

I am thankful that I am one of the lucky ones. With a Thanksgiving dinner to go to, with a roof over my head, with a car to drive. With friends, family, a husband that love me and that I love in return.

Quite simply, I am thankful for love.

I am no where close to where I thought I'd be now in my life. I am getting there. And I can't say I'd trade what I do have for what I thought I would. It's been an uphill battle, but things are - little by little - falling into place. I am determined to have it all, no matter what. I am hopeful that our love will carry us through. That no matter what dark storm clouds loom, that we can hold on to a warm ray of light that is our love, and that it will be enough. It isn't always, but I have faith for us, it will be. Our love is bright, and strong, and more real than I ever imagined possible. It is nothing trivial, it is not easily abandoned. For that, I am grateful.

I hope that all of you have wonderful Thanksgivings, and that the rest of your holidays follow in suit. I wish you all the very best, and hope your world - dark as it may be - is filled with love.

Fall Update

Where to begin?

It's been since a long time since my last post, and an entire world away. I'm not even the same person that I was September 19th....

New house is amazing, everything I could have hoped for. It truly feels like home, and that's a feeling I haven't had in quite a long while. It's nice to be able to have people over and not feel any negative feelings towards where I live. We got a new living room set too, which probably helps in that. Can't feel bad when you're flopped out on a giant comfy leather sofa. Or...can you? Had a giant party to celebrate the new house and Halloween, and had someone decide to steal money from my purse. Since only two people were in our room unattended the list of suspects is just as small...but what can you do? That and John being sick for a week significantly killed our finances. Luckily our roommate Chue took us to get some groceries so we've been alright. Just barely.

New job is less than amazing. The hours leave John and I at ends trying to find time for one another. We've been managing, but it's definitely less than fun. At least we have Sundays. I tried to get a job at a daycare through an old friend, and hoped that my passion and ambition were enough to make up for lack of experience. Guess not, as I didn't even get a rejection call. Kind of has me back on the ropes. It was putting us in a sort of dilemma anyway since it would be for less money, but I was determined to work two jobs if needed so that at least one of them was in a field I have passion for and could possibly advance in.

Currently, I'm on the fence with people at work. I seem to fit in okay with the social circles in my new-hire class, although due to just wanting to spend time with Johnathan and not being in to the whole "let's get drunk and cheat on my significant other"/drama/random hook up scene I'm left feeling like an outsider as far as that goes. And, I guess, good riddance as far as the drama is concerned. There are definitely a lot of good people,  and one and one -- and away from alcohol, they all seem pretty together, or at least okay within their own right. So, for the most part, we'll keep the relationship at work I suppose, or limited to social outings where booze will be absent. Although, I've stopped receiving invites to anything so, we'll see.

Other than the new-hire class, I'm simply John's wife it seems. Everyone brings tidings of well-wishings for him, so I guess that's a good thing. But, politics there kept him from getting the recognition he deserved promotion wise - and I'm afraid that the same thing will happen to me by proxy. Stream keeps calling him begging him to come back, and I do believe that he would if we didn't need his larger paycheck at the moment. Still, there was enough behind the scenes there that kept him from moving up, and left him taken aback watching all the under-talented, under-experienced, under-intelligent individuals canoodle their way up the ladder.

We've finally got winter transportation squared away for the both of us. Time to park the bike and the Vert for the winter and let them wait for the green glow of a spring sun before emerging again. With Halloween past us, the holiday season is now in session. My birthday is followed a week later by Thanksgiving, a month later it's Christmas, then the New Year. It would appear that my resolution for last year isn't going to come to fruition. Right now, we're not really ready for it to either. Need to work on paying off the debts still, instead of constantly adding more and more as we've been doing. In a year, we'll have at least one major debt out of the way, and we'll be able to start really saving for a future. So, looks like no family for us for a few years at least. While I want to start a family, I also know that I'd be happier if I could give our kids the life that we want them to have, or at least a better one than we had for the first part of our lives. If it were to happen now, it wouldn't be the worst thing ever, but definitely would require some major reorganizing.

So...I guess that's a fair update? Not a whole lot really, but some things which have definitely altered my persona and outlook a bit. I feel older, more... grown up I guess. I look forward to the future with a different set of eyes. I look to John more and more to be the man I know he has inside, and am seeing more and more peeks at some levels of maturity. Let's hope so, he'll be twenty-seven in five months. And I, twenty-three in less than a week.

Speaking of which, not really sure what to do for the birthday. Dinner is our usual go-to at Montage or some place. Yet, finances are tight, so I'm not sure just what we'll be able to afford. Maybe we'll just grab Josh and Melissa and head down to Montage on Friday and forget the rest. Or just change it to a potlock something at my place. I dunno.

Same shit different day, and yet... not. It's all so transitional at the moment. The changing seasons - leaves scattered around, the house, the job, the cars, the new roommates, it's all such an adjustment. Such a change. Let's hope I can hold on to the center core of all that I am as the world gets caught in a whirlwind.