Wednesday, March 19, 2014

It has been a very long time since I've posted anything on here. Life has been more crazy than I could have ever expected, and not in a good way. I am dealing with so many things on a financial and emotional level that it is hard to keep my head on straight.

I am thoroughly enjoying being a mom, and since my last post my son has crossed the year and year point five milestones. He is currently 85th percentile for height, 50th for weight, doing really well and breaking all the lady's hearts. I found an amazing care provider in an old high school friend Meaghen who has helped give Oliver a place to explore and play. He is smart, quick to learn new things - even more than we give him credit for. His vocabulary grows daily and he's started repeating the end of sentences out loud. I guess it's time to watch my language! He's running around, getting into things, and generally being a pretty awesome little guy.

Johnathan's health is failing, and has been getting worse since his hospital trip in November. He's kept me in the dark about a lot of what's going on with him, and the rest he hasn't publically announced, but it's not looking great. I've lost my mind and broke down crying, but I think for the most part we don't have a set prognosis so I can be mostly in denial about everything. Of course, the reason we don't have anything concrete is because he went over his coverage amount on his insurance; and will need to pay everything out of pocket (which we can't do), or wait until next year. Hopefully he'll be making an employer transition and will be able to purchase something plan-wise that will cover better for him. He needs a switch anyway, especially since he hasn't got paid since November due to other issues.

With Johnathan not having any income since November, and the health issues, it's been a very rough several months. I am so immensely grateful to Chue for paying our rent when we've needed him to, being such a good friend, and uncle to Ollie. We've formed a pretty awesome, albeit unconventional family. I'm pretty sure they could write a sitcom about it, if there was a bit more comedy instead of tragedy. My father loaned Johnathan the money to file bankruptcy, and if we could ever come up with the filing fee to finish that up, perhaps he'd get to see a paycheck again - though his employer is taking whatever's left to pay for the insurance overages.

If adversity breeds strength we'll be hulks by the time this dark patch is behind us. It's been a shit storm of financial stress, health issues, family issues, and darkness for almost half a year. There've been suicide attempts, negative account balances, and loans which just aren't going to be paid off any time soon. Worst case I guess this lasts another 13 months until John gets his trust fund. Best case we can get through it quicker and be on our feet for the next step of life at that point. Whatever the case may be, I couldn't have better people beside me when my world's falling apart. Though, maybe in the next life I'll opt for richer cohorts.

That's a bit it for now, I'll plan on writing updates more frequently. There's something cathartic about pouring it out there. And hey, John and I will be together five years this Saturday, and that's something to write about.