Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Eight hundred twenty-two days ago we agreed we'd start a journey.
Six hundred sixty-eight days ago we said it'd be forever.
Three hundred thirty-four days ago we declared it on the beach.
One hundred eighty days ago, we whispered it in front of a Christmas tree.

I think that's the right math...

I love you now, as I loved you then. Though the world looks bleak sometimes, though we have had our disappointments in the world and we've been let down and misrepresented, we've never been anything but us. I loved you eight hundred days ago, I'll love you until the last of all days. Until there is no sky, no earth, no moon, no stars, no breath or energy left in any microcosmic space across the expanse of the universe - I will love you.

As long as I am able, I will care for you and take care of you. I will be there to brush the hair off your face, hold your knees when they ache, bring you a cool cloth for your forehead. I will be there to hold you, to be held by you.

We have a battle ahead of us to make it to the top. To appease our obligations and find our niche in the world. We've found it in each other, let's carve it out of society as well. I will always share your burden, we will split the weight of the world across both our shoulders.We will make it, because failure is not an option, because we can live on love, because... we just have to. We both have been through so much in our lives, but have put the past aside and said enough. We have broken the cycles that plague so many we've known and have emerged, reborn in each other's love.

"Just for this moment... as long as you're mine, come be how you want to - and see how bright we shine. Borrow the moonlight, until it is through...and know I'll be here holding you. As long as you're mine." - Wicked

♥ 6 months ♥ 11 months ♥ 27 months ♥ Eternity to go

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Sitting at dinner last night, Melissa says her maid of honor bailed. So, she's got her figure-head maid of honor but no real support in the area. She chuckles and remarks how she has no friends and we chat about how I don't either.

It's not that I have unreasonable expectations of people, or that I judge people too harshly. It's really that there are just few good people in the world. Very few. Melissa, Joshua, Johnathan, and I got really lucky. We managed to find in one another similar beings. Honest, kind, loyal. Maybe it's that we're in similar situations - unstable financially, desperately in love. Cutting out the drama and the excess weight of others that held us down for so long. Seeking validation for our goodness, or maybe just the recognition of such. So we share ourselves with each other (maybe a little too much *cough* John *cough*) and we receive the validation we need. That we're not crazy, that we're not odd, that we don't put ourselves on a pedestal higher than the rest of humanity. That we just are on a plain of existence, looking at the world. And we aren't surprised. Not really surprised when someone who offered to help you on your wedding bails, not really surprised when someone creates a smear campaign but isn't willing to air the truth to anyone but those who already know it. Because, that's just the general humanity of it all. The wishy-washy, half-assed, lying, back-stabbing world. That's not to say that each of us don't have these moments, we do. We bail on events, we fail to plan properly. It happens. But, on the whole, there we are. If our expectations are floating away in the clouds, at least we have people in that expanse that meet these expectations, and so - yes, we might be disappointed in the vast throngs of humanity. Sure. Who isn't though? Even the scum of the Earth can be disappointed in the grievances that are caused by humans to humans.

Isn't it better to live amongst the clouds with those that are like you, than to slum it on Earth with the vast, disappointing, disloyal, lying, flip-flopping masses?

A bit of a dramatization, yes, of course. Hyperboles run rampant. Of course there are more than just two people that float the same boat I'm in. Of course I don't feel that we're above the world, not too terribly special, not too terribly unique. No beautiful and unique snowflakes here. Sure, we're part of the masses. But don't we all have the right to be with others like ourselves? Don't we have a right to set an even and fair bar we measure everyone against? Not by looks, color, creed, etc. etc. but truly by the content of their heart and the measure of their character. If there are few people that measure up to my standards in humanity, then so be it. I'd rather have the smallest group of friends I know I can count on completely than a throng of people I'll never trust.

Monday, June 20, 2011

I've hit the ten pound mark! Well, from my highest. Only 8 from my starting point. Still... Only 12 more to go!

Each pound loss results in a lower caloric intake to maintain loss... you know, since breathing and walking around burns less calories the less you weigh. Makes sense, but is still pretty difficult. Once I hit my goal then I can work on finding the perfect balance, but for now I feel like being strict is the way to go. I was worried about this week, I haven't been able to walk (or skip, or jump, or run, get the idea) very well (or at all) with my gimped out knee. It's still so's been a week now... I bought a knee brace but it didn't really do anything for the problem at all. I'm thinking of just getting an Ace bandage and wrapping it up super tight? I don't know... I just want it to feel better. My goal of doing the 5k at the half marathon in August is looking like it's probably not going to happen. Maybe September?

Still, I'm pretty happy with my 2 pound a week loss, and I'd like to keep it up over the next six weeks. If I stay with my routine of clif bar, healthy choice meal, soup - shouldn't be a problem. I just have to stay away from the temptation I have to make plates of stuffed mushrooms or... go buy a pint of ice cream... or you know, things along that line.

Fun posting time coming up in two days! (and even more so in a month & two days!)

Still waiting on things from people that apparently aren't going to happen...
Yes I do need it to move on. I need to see it. I need to know that all people, all of them, have been told the truth. Not just me, not just the people around the issue. Everyone. Complete transparency with the world. Complete openness, complete remission of the past, complete desire for the present to be better - for honesty to rule.

It's been over a week, I'll give it a bit longer. I think that things will either dissolve amongst themselves regardless of you, or you'll be made to do it one way or the other... although, I don't know if that counts, but for the sake of making nice for the kids, we'll say it does.


So, my grandma and I got into it a bit... and it made me pretty, really angry. She accused me of not giving her money for the wedding stuff, when I've been giving her $100 a month, as we had agreed upon for... the past 3-4 months? No, it hasn't been from the beginning, but.. still... feels kind of bad, when you buy people $250 microwaves, and diamond jewelry and stuff and start giving them money every month, and then you're accused of living it up and not paying them back. Living it up? Like we're going out to fun things all of the time. For one, I'm on strict diet mode... so, can't really do that can I? I linked to the food I eat daily, I guarantee not one person would call that living it up. I guarantee that finding entertainment in borrowing DVDs of Smallville or free Netflix subscriptions would not be considered living it up. Having $0.67 in our bank account at the end of the pay period... living it up. Not being able to fix the motorcycle I fucked up because I dropped it... living it up. Riding around on bald tires, that needed desperately to be replaced a year ago, living it up. Wearing shoes for a year after the first hole completely through the sole -- living it up? (I did go get new shoes, thank God - $25 (living it up!)) Having to use Johnathan's Amazon money not on fun things, but on food because we won't eat otherwise--- living it up! Having so many medical bills because we couldn't afford insurance... oh, and did I mention that I had to get screening for cancer - that shit ain't cheap! Oh, right, that's totally living it up too I bet. I should have just shrugged it off? Well, I did for almost a year because I couldn't afford the $50 down payment for the tests that was required. Being so stressed to the brim because both John and I were asked to be in Melissa and Josh's wedding and I have no idea how we're going to afford both the tux and the dress....

Yes, we do go out on occasion with friends. We'll find a happy hour and have some fun and spend $20. I suppose you could fault us on that. But in all honesty, I'd rather be paying off debt always and be able to hang out with friends once in a while than put that $20 towards debt. That $20 keeps us connected, keeps us sane. And really, can you call happy hour at Applebee's really 'living it up'?

I'm tired of living like this, you know that I am. You know that we're working on finding a way out... you know that we're poor enough to get help from the government to buy a house, and we're looking into that.

If this is living it up... I am scared to hell of what you think poverty is.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

How to be an Awesome Geek - Pt. 2 - Love Thy Neighbor

So, you've started to realize that you've got something to offer, eh? If not, be sure to check out How to be an Awesome Geek - Pt. 1.

The next step in your awesome-ness is to get yourself a girl friend. Or, boy friend - depending on your sexual preferences. Not a romantic one... unless you can find someone to do naked Star Wars photo shoots... don't pass that up. (Here's looking @ you Megan!)

For the purposes of this entry, let's say you're a straight boy geek. So, you need to find a girl. Someone that is of a slightly less geek level than you, but still smart enough to understand what you're talking about.

Truth: guys and girls think and process the world differently.

Let's use that to our advantage, shall we? Find a counter anchor to your thought process, someone who will tell you exactly what's on their mind, share with you their world-view, and help you understand the way that they work. All of the sudden you go from the outfield to playing short-stop. Balanced perspective.

There are occasions, of course, when you can realize this in a same sex partner. Yet, I find that it's never quite the same.

How to find this person to help you even your scales? That's the hardest part. Someone you pursued romantically, but got stuck as a friend is a good place to look. Something there was enough to allow communication and common spark. A friend of a friend you chatted with successfully at a social gathering. A roommate's friend, family member. Your own sibling, cousin, etc.

This person will be your right-hand man, and should help you feel like you're a rock-star if you're doing it right. They should realize your strengths, and help you realize them too.

I've found myself in this position quite a few times. Usually the relationship starts over some relationship qualm where they want a female opinion. And, since I'm just a little bit geeky, and unusually honest, and like the general mind frame of the male psyche more than the female it falls into place.

The best part of this is that it's a completely mutually beneficial relationship. Both of you can stop looking at the world in one black and white perspective, and can gravitate towards this medium ground. Especially if one of you is more ... technologically inclined than the other. The more-so inclined individual (that's you!) can give their insight and knowledge to the lesser - teach them how to exist more in your frame. The lesser inclined individual can help with aspects socially that may be lacking. They might have a better idea than you about fashion, social activities, etc.

Plus, chances are they'll smell better than your other friends - and there's always the chance that it'll turn into something more once you figure out your own perfect sync.

But... for the love all that is good.. Don't expect it. Don't want it. And don't enter into the friendship with any thoughts of that clouding your mind.

For the sake of all humanity you come into contact with. If you haven't mastered loving yourself, don't try to extend your advances, love, or thoughts to someone romantically. It'll just end poorly, leaving you feeling awful and your friends blocking you on social media outlets.

Random Note: I found the below picture, and I guess with it in mind I'm dealing with nerds more than geeks.... but there's definitely a bit of all of the categories ... and for those not included as well.  I think it's a pretty accepted fact that you should think you're awesome, and have a balanced perspective from an honest source - no matter Geek, Nerd, Dork, or Dweeb. Also, based on this, I guess I am a Dork... bordering on Nerd. Just so you know.

I realize this post isn't as clever, thought out, or inspired as Part 1. At least it feels that way to me... maybe it's the lack of hot geeky girls....

How to be an Awesome Geek - Pt. 1 - Love Thyself

Hello. Welcome. So, you're a geek. You love Magic the Gathering and play Dungeons and Dragons and not just so you can be Dungeon master and make people cry. Pokemon isn't just a cartoon you watched as a kid... you rock that Pokewalker.

You've replaced dinner and a movie with Mountain Dew and Pirate Bay. You love Star Trek and Star Wars - but you have a clear thesis paper waiting in the woodwork for your favorite - and you'll defend it to the death. You  have a PAX Enforcer shirt for each day of the week - and you wear them in chronological order.

I love you.

You video game playing (you know, real video games... not just Call of Duty and Halo...), internet meme reciting, just educated enough to get yourself in trouble - geek.

So, why don't you love you?

All geeks, all people want love. But, if you can't love yourself... if you constantly put yourself down - you're a drag to be around. No one will love you. Not, at least, in the way you want to be loved. They might take advantage of your coding skills to build them a website, they might have you fix their computer or teach them to pirate literature... but they won't love you.

Rock that geek. Own it, acknowledge it, accept it.

In today's world where geek is somehow chic - you're no longer the bullied, you're the exalted.

Maybe you haven't gotten used to it and you're still reeling from high school jocks. High school is over, it's done, you rule now. It's true. Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerburg, modern kings. And you, crammed in your apartment like sardines, hosting LANs and trying to make rent.... you're just as spectacular, just as amazing. You just don't know it yet.

Confidence is something you lack. You should have it in abundance... but you don't. Maybe it's part of your wiring that has you convinced that telling the world how much you suck will bring you luck. It won't. Every drawn out, ambiguous Facebook post your friends begrudgingly read, every half hearted laugh at your own expense - it screams I hate myself. I have no worth. Please ignore me. Please, please, leave me alone.

When you're really trying to say you want to be heard. Appreciated. Loved. Acknowledged. Accepted.

You can be all those things, by more than just me. First though, you must appreciate, love, acknowledge, and most importantly accept yourself. You. If there's something you honestly can't stand about yourself, change it. If you feel overweight - run on a treadmill while you get caught up on your latest anime obsession. Or, just stop drinking so much beer. Or, learn to love your teddy bear physique - it's cuddly!

The world no longer just loves Spider Man and Superman, they love Peter Parker and Clark Kent too. Maybe even more. So stop fretting that you're not a super hero, and love the fact that you'd make a kick-ass alter ego. Stand up straight, saddle those glasses firmly on the bridge of your nose, and view the world as what it truly is. Your playground. Your unexplored arena.

So go. Explore. Rock it. Know your limits, and know your strengths. And hey, if I love you... you never know, someone else might too.

*All pictures taken from  where he got them all from... that's his business I suppose.

Food, Houses, Life, Dresses

First off, I would like to kind of shamelessly plug GoPicnic for making tasty box lunch things that I can nom on and not feel too guilty about what I'm eating. For dinner I had the turkey pepperoni with asiago cheese box... with dried cranberries and pineapple and an almond roca. Delicious! A little expensive, but I used John's free Amazon money to get so... not so bad. This, along with Healthy Choice fresh mix things are what the next couple weeks will bring to try and get balance while maintaining a lighter calorie diet. Did I mention that I'm a bit lazy when it comes to cooking? That, and it's crazy hard with John and I on different schedules.

I'm down a couple pounds this week, and the first time I've seen under 160 in a long, long time. Yay! While my goal weight is 145, I honestly would be happy with a fit 150. When I was 5'7" I was smoking hot at 135, so I think with the added 3" an added 10-15 pounds would do the trick to balance everything out.

A look at the abysmal housing market makes me wonder if Johnathan and I should try and find a home loan... or someone that would loan to us. There are a lot of places selling for so astronomically cheap that even with $0 down, our mortgage would be less than our current rent. Like, $200 less. So, I think that we're going to at least try. Well's Fargo at least has it all over their information that they're not super concerned with what your credit looks like, or your down payment. We shall see. It would be exciting to own our own place, even if it is only a condo or townhouse or something of that nature. It would probably work out to be the same after insurance and taxes come into play, but it would be ours.*

*Or, you know the bank's... but we could paint and tear down walls and shtuf.

I'm still waiting for truths to be made public. Still waiting to see something tangible come out of the apology given and the truths told to me. Telling me what I already know isn't the same thing as telling those you lied to the truth...

I wrote Brittany a three page... well, like 4.25 page note today. I tried to express my love of her, my hope for the future. It was difficult to keep from going to a super accusatory and dark place. I think it's human nature thats it's so much easier to be negative when faced with pressure than positive. So much easier to rant and rave and say the dark grisly parts we're feeling then to voice the happiness, the optimism, even the regret and/or sadness. I can't quite comprehend why... it just is. It is much easier to write about how a person is evil, then it is to voice that maybe they're going to stop their evilness. So much easier to write about the emptiness inside, than it is to talk about the love. Are we such a society that this behavior, self deprecating, self destructive, is actually what is encouraged from us? What we must be - to feel like we are part of the norm, that someone will want to pick us up, dust us off and turn us into something better if only we are broken?

Le sigh.

In other news... trying to find a dress / dress place that has either one) a super formal dress in my price range or two) a semi-affordable dress I'd actually wear again.... it's tough. For a dress I'm only going to wear once, I really don't feel comfortable spending more than $50-$60 on it. If it's something which is wearable again, night out or what have you, then I'd be willing to spend at most $100. Am I cheap? I don't know... but I do know that on my personal clothing I just wouldn't buy something that expensive. I don't let myself by dresses that are more than $50 at all... just how I roll. Going to be interesting to see how this plays out. I'm hoping for something like hey pick a tea-length/knee length dress from David's Bridal in X color. So I can find something within my price. I guess if I need to skimp on elsewhere to buy the dress specified for me, then I will. It's all about the bride and making sure she is stress free ... well, as much as possible anyway.

My knee hurts like a sonofabitch... more on that later I'm sure. Off to bed!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Friday was quite a night. Met and remet a lot of people... had some interesting conversations I'm sure (and in some cases hoping) aren't remembered as the weekend draws to an end.

Corey told the truth for once in the past 7 months... and apologized for being who he is. It's a good first step, but it definitely is only a first step. I hope that he continues to speak the truth and to tell all those he's lied to the reality of situations. I am very cautiously hopeful that he will work on changing into something good.

Brittany and I didn't talk about anything related to the madness of the past... I don't know if we need to, really. I'm sure at some point if we are to  move forward, there might need to be a conversation... but really, I think that we would end up being apart forever if we really got into it at all. With us, I think it's best if we just try and put the past behind us. There were definitely grievances made, and huge mistakes, and throwing things away that had meant so much. If we were to talk about it, I don't know... it seems like for the most part it was all done behind the curtain. Maybe that was the problem to begin with. She shielded her emotions and intentions from me, and I shielded the truth and knowledge I had from her and so we are both so at fault for the way things got started, and then for the way they continued.

I do hope that Corey maintains his new face into the future, and does not relapse as he is prone to do. Maybe this time, he actually means the apologies, maybe this time he really is trying to change. I guess for now I just have to wait and see. He's apologized for his errors so many times before, we've had the same make up just to break up again mentality between our worlds. Never has he erred so greatly or caused such a rift or so much pain. So, never was his apology so hard to believe. So, I will take it step by step. I will try to forgive, but I will never forget. For now, I have his statement of pure intentions and of righting wrongs and we will see how it all plays out. I've known him for three years now, and I think he's been in good graces less than half of that time. Yet, for the sake of all those involved I will try. I do not think we will ever be friends again, but... perhaps we can be better than enemies of one another.

Friday, June 10, 2011


Johnathan has to be one of the worse apology givers of all time. With that in mind, and due to the fact that I think a lot of people in this world could use a refresher I thought I'd write a blog on the art of the apology.

If you talk about the apologee's thoughts, emotions, or feelings you are not apologizing.
  • I'm sorry you felt that I....
  • I'm sorry you thought I...
  • I'm sorry you misinterpreted me
If you  do not own up to your actions as being your own, you are not apologizing. An apology is not given to make the other person feel guilty, or done with any expectations of receiving an apology in return.
  • You made me XXXX, but I'm sorry I X.
  • I'm sorry I let you push me to doing X.
  • You did X, so I did Y... and I'm sorry for doing Y.
If you do not immediately stop the behavior you are apologizing for, or continue to behave in the manner you're apologizing for - this is not a true apology.

If you are not willing to make amends, correct wrongs, and swear on all that is holy that you plain just fucked up.... this is not an apology.

An apology is you recognizing yourself as being a flawed individual. You did/said something you realize was not acceptable. You feel like you made an error against someone and are trying to make it right. Chances are, if you feel like you're being forced to apologize, it won't be genuine. If you're doing it for someone else, to make someone else happy, it won't be genuine.

If you lied about someone, and these lies got back to them, it's not enough to just apologize to the person you lied about. You have to reach out and apologize to all those you told lies to for not being honest with them. Otherwise, it's obvious you don't feel bad about the mistakes you made, or you don't recognize them as mistakes at all.

If you don't feel personal and internal guilt for the actions you committed, for the words that you said, there's no use in apologizing. I think this is where most people tend to fail. If you don't feel bad for throwing the phone out the window, for not calling and checking in, for spreading hatred in abundance... then what's the point? If you're not making a conscious effort to stop being the person you were that committed the trespass, then don't apologize. If you don't recognize all that you did/said as being wrong, then don't apologize.

We as a society expect apologies to ring out from all around us. I'm sorry I bumped into you. I'm sorry I cheated. I'm sorry I told your friends you were talking about them when you weren't. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry I believed in someone so false. I'm sorry I am such a piece of shit.....

Sometimes they come. Sometimes they don't. The point is, we shouldn't expect them. We shouldn't force our kids into saying they're sorry they lied about taking a cookie, when in reality, they're only sorry they got caught in the lie. Why make someone apologize when they don't see their actions as wrong? We can try and make them realize what they did/said as being out of tune with the expectations that were set upon them. We can try and tell them that lying is wrong... but if they don't believe it, don't make them apologize. If they're so twisted in their own mind that they don't realize the mistakes they've made, if they don't understand what they've done, if they don't understand the grievances they've brought onto the world, however large or small - why make them apologize. It takes these words of "I'm sorry." and turns them into the biggest white lie we say every day.

On the other hand, if you know you messed up. If you feel you did wrong. If you hurt someone intentionally or otherwise and you feel really, truly, genuinely bad about it... apologize! An apology can mean a lot to someone wronged. If you forget to call and check in and you realize when you get home and you feel bad about it, say you're sorry. If you lose your temper and freak out and feel like it was the wrong thing to do, let the person you yelled at know that you feel bad about your actions. Letting the person you wronged know that you realize you messed up is a very important step in the road to recovery.

So, kid that threw a rock at his brother. You know you wanted to throw that rock... don't apologize.
So, husband that cheated on his wife. You wanted to cheat, you only feel bad you hurt her, but you're not really sorry because you're going to do it again... don't apologize.

That's the end of my message to the world on apologies. Make them if you should, don't if you shouldn't. Simple, really.


If you're actually sorry, really truly sorry... Not for how you broke up friendships, or the consequences of your actions, but the actions themselves... If you realize that lying is wrong, that bending the truths to suit an evil agenda is wrong, that continuing to make two innocents out as bad people when they most definitely are not is wrong... if you realize these things, if you feel a deep pit in your soul for being so wrong so often, for continuing to propagate lies and stick to your make believe stories... if you're willing to admit all the wrong doings you've done to me, to your wife, to your old friends, to everyone you spoke ill about us to... if you're willing to stop immediately in your tracks, to take it all back, to talk to all those you lied to and apologize to them (this list grows by the day). If you really are sorry for being such a hugely awful person, and you have miraculously changed or are working your ass off to change... I'd be open to hearing it. I'm curious to see what in your life changed so drastically from May 31st to now June 10th (that's just 10 days), that made you realize all of the above and want to apologize.

If you don't really feel you did any erroneous wrong, if you think that your actions and words were okay in any way what so ever, don't bother. If your plan in place is to try and get an apology out of me, you will not find one issued from my lips tonight or any other night.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Dear Johnathan

I love you.
I really, really do.
I love the way you smell like sexy peanut butter when you're running on day old deodorant.
I love the way you smell like home when you're fresh from the shower.
I love the way I can breathe you in on my skin, your pillow, our bedding, after you leave for work in the morning.
I love the way our smells mingle and mix and dance with one another to make something deliciously us.
I love the way your hand feels on the small of my back.
I love the way your fingers feel as they trace a patch of skin
I love the way you make all of my nerve endings stand at attention, and beg for it.
I love the way your lips graze mine
I love that reassuring kiss on my forehead that spins the world around and makes everything feel safe.
I love the tightness of your grasp when our fingers interlock
I love your lips in all their curvy, juicy, deliciousness.
I love the dents, speckles, freckles, and moles that make your landscape uniquely you
I love the way your hair falls in your face
I love the innocence you seem to have right after you shave.
I love looking in your eyes and seeing forever
I love that you are mine, no matter how frustrated you make me
I love that you look at the world with the wisdom of an elder simultaneously with the naivety of a child.

I love you. No matter how many times I might feel unsure, no matter how many times I'll yell the contrary. I love you completely, utterly, ridiculously, childishly, always. You are my forever, you are my one and only. You. Y-O-U. It's said too much perhaps, to really have true meaning. You tell me you love me to try and kill an argument, to try and soften the blow as you beg for forgiveness for another of your mistakes. So, it may very well be that all of the above doesn't have the impact that it should. But...

I love you.
I really, really do.

Monday, June 6, 2011

The relationship that spawned 1,000,000 points

I went to our friends Josh and Melissa's wedding website and thought about something sweet to write on their guestbook... and I realized, I didn't really know what to say to them. Two honestly good people, good friends, joining together in love. It's so beautiful it's a little unreal. Even more unrealistic is how they got started. Another romance started at Stream, and the issued forced by Johnathan. It was so lovely to see them blossom and grow together as a couple, and to get to know each of them. I know that the future is going to hold so many spectacular things for the both of them, because it can't not. Two of the biggest, kindest hearts I've ever met coming together - the world has to pay that back. I have no idea how they're going to pull off a wedding in three months - but power to them.

My grandpa can officiate, and my grandmother makes gorgeous cakes, and I'm sure they'd love to help out. My cousin Samantha is an excellent photographer as well. I can ask and try to help out in any way I can personally to make a stressful time, slightly less stressful. You both deserve such a wonderful day!

So, readers of mine - reach out your love to the soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Poland. They have a Target, Amazon, and Paypal registry/accounts set up.
Josh & Melissa @ our wedding
Josh and Melissa, I wish you both the utmost of happiness and joy as you start your lives together. Best of luck in all that you do, and kind prayers your way as always.

Update: Tonight Melissa asked me to be one of her bridesmaids! I've been asked this twice before, and neither one of those weddings ever came to fruition. I hope I'm not a bad luck charm....well, even if I am - Josh and Melissa are tougher than that. Now... to like purple...

Saturday, June 4, 2011


Quick update:

Weight is stagnant this week, well I lost .2 pounds but that's basically nothing.
I think I've got a pretty good grasp on the diet thing overall. The 'diet' as in what I eat, not as in... dieting. Right.

Started the couch to 5k plan today. . . I'm not exactly sure what they define couch potatoes as, but I guess I'm less than that. Called it quits 15 minutes in because my legs were cramping so bad. I'm determined to keep going, and it was a great way to unwind at the end of the day. I'll try again tomorrow if my legs work, Sunday if they don't.

It looks like nicer weather is upon us, and though I got off at 9pm as per normal, it was still light out for the run!

My cousin Samantha and my little brother graduated today. I don't even know what to make of that except for I'm old. Compared to my mind which will always have my brother cemented as a cute kid in a batman outfit, sucking on his lower lip.

And for "aaaaaaw's" sake:

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

AdSense and such

I started playing around under the Monetize tab... more out of curiosity than anything else. I get roughly no visitors to my site, so there's not really a point to having it generate a few pennies every month. I'm mostly just bored, at work, without much to do except expand my wishlist on Amazon and play WordFeud. As long as Johnathan keeps winning money on Amazon, I guess it's not totally futile.

I recently finished reading Dean Koontz's Frankenstein book -  Frankenstein: Lost Souls: A Novel (Dean Koontz's Frankenstein) It was definitely not worth it. I highly suggest picking up the series. It gives an awesome new life into a super old tale, and I'm a huge fan of Dean Koontz. However, this book starts out like it's going to give you something and then takes you right to the beginning of the journey and stops. It's entirety could be summed up in a couple pages and add a bit of depth, but really - the book isn't even necessary in the scheme of things. Most of it is just summing up the last three books anyway. Pretty big let down. Although, it's less than $10 and I could have done worse - takes up more time than a movie.

Speaking of movies, I've been watching some old ones lately. Trying to... get perspective I guess. Last night I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's. I kind of fell in love with Audrey Hepburn - at least, I now understand the hype and such. I watched An Affair to Remember the other night.... I like the idea in that one. Not the whole let's be in a wheelchair and wait until midnight in a thunderstorm aspect, but the work for 6 months to support your bride aspect. The fact that someone that can't support his wife has no business in having one... but more so that they were able to maintain their love on merely a notion and have complete and utter faith in one another. That he would work for six months and try to make a man of himself, and that she would work as she needed to support herself and that they would join together. Neither one of them quit or missed their meeting.... on purpose at least. Of course, it's a movie, and one made in the 50s at that, so perhaps it's all just a fairy tale notion. But, I guess that's the point of watching these old movies, isn't it? To fall into a fairy tale land where Tiffany's would bother engraving a cracker jack prize, and your ex would still be your friend after you left him/her for someone you barely knew.