Wednesday, September 2, 2015

How many days can you be on the verge of tears, of falling apart, before you just give in and shatter into a million pieces?

Change is in the air. The power couple that is no more, the fated couple that finally said goodbye, the ordinary couple reveals what's behind closed doors. A child is diagnosed with a disease that alters the rest of her life and those around her. A friendship rekindled will have to face all of America in between.

Here I sit. Waiting for the hammer to fall. Already quadruple digits negative. Already being beat against the shore. Change whirling around me so fast and furious that the wind sucks the breath from my lungs. Move to a new town, change routine, chaos and disarray, be a mom, a wife, a student, no resources left to be a lover.

Love. Love and love and love. Let the rest of the world, the rest of the relationship, the rest of life go. Work to love me and show me you love me, and I'll work to love you and show you I love you... then the rest of this shit? It goes without saying. It is remedied without thought. We are perfected without labor, except for the labor of love.


My romantic hopelessness. If only it were really that simple. If only the power of love was an actual ability. If only true love's kiss really was the most powerful force in the world. Instead it is greed, it is chaos, it is the insurmountable entropy that only through the sheer force of our combined wills is stopped from tearing this planet we call home to the far flung corners of the galaxy. For now.

Each and every day is not a struggle to thrive, but to survive. I wish that my love was enough. I have rivers and oceans of radioactive adoration in my ample frame, rendered inert by your preconceived notions of what that means. Your expectations quell the crests and calm the seas.

All that wasted potential energy creates a deep, unsettling itch. An itch to break free. To run away. To dive into the washing waters of eternity without a second thought. Instead though... I sit. On the verge of tears. On the verge of giving up. On the verge of shattering like frozen glass.

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