wedding vows

Everything that makes me who I am
was yours before this moment
it shall be yours always

You are my soul mate
my best friend
my ally against the world
my moment outside of time

you are my fondest memory
my fiercest desire
my strongest wish

It is because of you
I laugh
I smile
I dream

I will love you
respect you
and be honest with you
always

When life is easy
or when it is a struggle
when our love is simple
and when it is an effort
I will live with you
and laugh with you.

From this day forward,
you will never walk alone.

I will rejoice in your delights
and fight your battles by your side

I will support what you strive to accomplish
and encourage you intellectually, emotionally and spiritually
I will try to see the world as you see it
or at the very least, respect your unique perspective

I will be the shoulder on which you lean
the rock on which you rest
the joy of your heart

I will comfort your body with mine
mirror your soul with my own
and share with you all that I have and will have

I promise not only to give these things
but to receive them from you as well
to speak and to listen
to be both friend, and lover

You have my body
my mind
my heart
my soul

Everything that makes me who I am
was yours before this moment
it shall be yours always

I offer this ring to you
as a symbol
of my faith
my love
And of the vows I have just spoken

As this ring has no end
neither does my love for you

Screaming into the abyss

Waiting for someone
to judge me
Challenge me
acknowledge me
Maybe even
love me

No response
Echoes bounce back
returning my cries
cyclic and cold

Is there no one there
or just no one
that cares

Cyber self indulgence
Self medication
woven with coils
Tubes of failed inspiration
Failed social interactions

Avatars replace reality
Chat-rooms replace coffee houses
Micro-blogs replace conversation
even heartfelt e-mails are
things of the past

Yet I scream out
crop my face to an icon's frame
chat away into the space
micro, mini, standard blog
to no one, and nothing

Fading into unreality

proper linguistics

i peruse
the internet and see
lack of punctuation
capitalization
running sentences 
lacking commas
abhorrence to proofreading
and i wonder
if its all so easy
to just forget

to move on in our
urban dictionary ruled existence

yet it all flows in my mind
fixing the typos and
ironing out the syntax
and reaching for the voice behind
the veils of apathy
and i realize that
maybe just maybe
its the voice that matters
and not the close
approximation
of proper linguistics

Mine

I ask you not for the heavens
nor for the moon or the stars
I ask you not for the sun
nor the sea
nor any earthly creations
I ask not for your life
nor your body
nor your will
I ask only for your heart

Once I have your heart
it is only natural
that your soul and mind will follow
In order I may be flawed

When I have all three
we'll call it love
of the truest form
and parade for all to see

I don't mind
but I wish sometimes
it were only you and I

You've given me your mind
a section split with billions

You’ve given me your heart
the portion yet unused

You've given me your soul
the parts I'm worthy to see

I wish sometimes
it were only you and I

Now/Then

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about it.
Not just yet.
Not to the general world.
But, boy oh boy am I excited.
For those curious minds, it's not that I'm pregnant.
Though now, maybe that wouldn't be the scariest of news.

It doesn't help the now though....

The we're so broke, no money for food, how the fuck does this work, now.
The sell what we can, make due, ask for a power strip and RAM so we can have a computer, now.
The "potato salad might make an okay dinner" and the "how many meals can we stretch this box of spaghetti" and the "thank God Caity showed us the Sunshine Pantry because we'll be heading there before the week is out I imagine" now.

The "then", oh, the "then" looks great.

Then we'll be able to have a house, with a yard.
Then we'll be able to pay all our debts off, and save for the future.
Then we'll be able to have a little one without stressing.
Then we won't bounce checks because our roommate is a week late on paying rent in full.
Then we'll be able to afford to get wedding presents for our friends.
Then we'll be able to get Christmas presents, maybe even a tree.
Then we'll be able to save enough to make our dreams come true.

Then.... oh, then.

I have this tiny, teeny, bubbling in my stomach. This little voice that's whispering 'soon, soon it'll all be okay'. I want so hard to believe in the then. The future. What may come to pass. The great, spectacular unknown. Beautiful as the cosmos, and within our reach.

I have the devil on my shoulder telling me it's all too good. Too easy. It'll never come to be, it'll never last. The weight of the now will kill us before we even think about the then. Because the weight of the now.... it's stifling. It's terrifying, it's nauseating, it's.... awful.

So fuck you now. Fuck you right in the ass. I'm done with you. I can't stand the acrid taste you leave in my mouth.

Hello then. Be as sweet as my fantasies, as warm as my desires, as lovely as my dreams. Wrap me in your embrace and please, please don't let me down.

Drunk. Wedding. Football. Chicken Wings.

This weekend (Thurs-Sun) I:
- Watched the drunkest person I've ever seen crawl his way to a bathroom, and get dragged by his best friends the last 10 feet.
- Ate peanuts and potato salad for dinner (Thurs)
- Ate more seafood / food than I knew what to do with.
- Ate two desserts at each dinner (Fri/Sat)
- Ate a dozen chicken wings, and a whole basket of deep fried mushrooms (Sun)
- Got called a stuck-up bitch by some drunk, white-trash like women.
- Hula danced during karaoke
- Spent multiple minutes underneath Melissa's wedding dress, lacing corset backs and putting on garters.

- Spent at least 12 hours in a casino (but didn't lose any money!)
- Realized the preciousness of children.
- Saw the vicious circle of thinking someone doesn't like you so you act a certain way which makes them actually not like you....(think Stephanie and Melissa should have a heart-to-heart)
- Became amazingly grateful of the photographers I had at my wedding. For choosing friends/family it turns out I got amazingly lucky.
- Spent two days at the beach but did not once get my toes in the sand.
- Tried to play matchmaker, along with John, Diane, and bride & groom.
- Realized how young I really am.

- Watched three football games at once, and can't recall a single event from any of them.
- Cried watching the StateFarm 9/11 tribute video.
- Watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes, good movie - but not worth the hype (although it was just a TS)
- Listened to a phone interview (waiting for Wednesday to see if our lives are going to get a leg up).

- Watched two amazing people join their lives together in front of their friends/family.

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Poland!

Written Words Fall to Sand

Miscommunication will be our downfall
Weeping bitterly into the night
Written words fall to sand.

I wish you would try to read my mind
Then you would see with hind-sight
Miscommunication will be our downfall

Our hearts still beat, hands intertwined
Why do I feel such fright
As written words fall to sand

Silly items mean nothing until they are defined
Even so they need to be put to light
Miscommunication will be our downfall

Please try to know I'm one of your kind
Slipping away into the night
Written words fall to sand

I want you more than absence of mind
More than anything in sight
Miscommunication will be our downfall
Written words fall to sand