It's that time again. The time when I get to look back and reflect over where I've been and how I've grown myself, and in my relationship over the past month.
The past couple days have been really good for John and I. He told me his going to open up his past - that I'll finally be able to know everything he's never wanted to share before. I really want to jump right into the parts I've been questioning ever since we got together, but I'm taking things slow. Already I've learned more. Another fabulous development - he brushed his teeth in front of me! I know this isn't going to seem big for any of you, but it is. He's more comfortable doing anything else in front of me, and I haven't been in the room the entire time we've been together. He just kicks me out of the bathroom and locks the door, just to be safe. Last night he said that it was all open.
It's taken us ten months to come this far. I was instantly open with him, he just has that type of personality. For most people, I do to. People tell me things, confess parts of themselves easily to me. I'm not sure why, but John just didn't. He has been secretive and vague about so very, very much. It will be nice to get to know him. Which, you know, is a good thing seeing has how we're getting married exactly six months from now.
Wow! That's a ridiculously short amount of time when you think about it. I mean, it feels like just yesterday I was calling Az asking to crash at her place because my date and I forgot it was Sunday. It feels like just last week when I received adulturous kisses on the back of my neck while browsing Powell's... but let's not think about that now!
I hope that everything can work out. That this new found openness lasts and doesn't fade like so much else in life. I hope that he can really open up to me, let me in where no one else has been before. I crave intimacy, connection, truth. I need to be trusted, to be deemed worthy. I need to know the man I'm marrying.
I love working here now, with John. There's a reason to show up, there's a reason to stay. Even though it's only an hour a day - well, less with the walking and such... but still - it seems to make everything worth while.
I love you Johnathan Lee Addison. *606*Forever*