Friday, July 29, 2011


Faraway places
unseen faces
fill my mind

I cannot focus
on the mundane
wishing for extraordinary

Golden rays of sun
on white beached romance
Sparkling clarity of breath

Sailing into the world
known only by lovers
of dramatic comedies

Speaking without uttering a word
Mind meld of the purist kind
Speak soft and gentle now

 I awake
From an unattainable dream

Thursday, July 28, 2011

extra dose

It's been a few days since I've posted poetry, so here are three lovely tidbits to keep you entertained.

First one: Pretty evident what it's about. 


As I glance into the mirror
I change my stance on this
World
I change my thoughts on this
Place
I scrutinize the imperfections on my
Face
The tears well inside my eyes
My fears start to consume my
Thoughts
Why I am here and what am I
Doing
Pull at my hair notice it
Frizzing
These pants are fitting just a little
Too tight
And I want to be sitting here in the
Dark
To blank out this image of
Myself
Put my insecurities up on a
Shelf
I want what everyone does
The taunting to stop, not your taunting
Mine
The voices in my mind telling my
Bad
You're no good, give up you'll always be
Sad
This world will never love you
Those people will always shove you
Around
No love of yours will ever be
True
For how could anyone ever want you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Second Poem: Gabe, Clint, etc.

Lead me not into temptation
Won't you please deliver me
My heart is a fragile mutation

Since the beginning of creation
there's existed what cannot be
Lead me not into temptation

It would do to mention
a blink times three
My heart is a fragile mutation

Lock these things away
to some secret faction
If I cross the line
I'll have to throw away the key
Lead me not into temptation

I'd rather face lifelong tormention
than feel like this when he's looking at me
My heart is a fragile mutation

Fuck it all in complete succession
I can't have both
Plain and true
Lead me not into temptation
My heart is a fragile mutation
 -----------------------------------------------
 Third Poem: My own darkness

Do not stand in my shadow
Its depth may encompass
all you thought was true
and pure in life
Taking you to a land
you only see in nightmares
dream scenes or
fantasies

Taking you into
scapes only seen in my mind
Eyes closed
visions arise
sweeping you away
bringing you close
close to me

No, do not stand in my shadow
the intimacy is far
too deep for my liking

Sunday, July 24, 2011

My Awesome Weekend

Thursday: I had previously scheduled this day off, because I wanted to have a week-long extravaganza with the husband to celebrate our one year anniversary and make up for not having a honey moon. But, since I got Joe to VTO me for Monday, I figured I'd probably go in. . . Yeah, that didn't happen. Instead we went to Roxy's for lunch, drove around (discovered that Johnathan's 'brand new' bike actually has 15k+ miles) and I dyed my hair an amazing copper color. It's one of those, why wasn't I born with this shades. Very much in love with it at the moment.



Friday: Planned to leave once John got off work at 2pm, and here he comes in at 8am raring to go. Not so happy as, you know, I'm me and don't wake up until 11am. Eventually he gets me out of bed, ready to go, stuff packed. He fell asleep during the packing process, and so we ended up leaving at about 2pm anyway. We drove through the lovely summer afternoon with the top down, wind whipping in our hair to Lincoln City, where we had planned to stay at the Edgecliff Motel. The rooms were surprisingly nice, and the view was breathtaking.



We plan on returning next year. The staff were all friendly, accommodating, and kind - even when we bugged them at 1am trying to find pizza. We met up with Josh and Melissa who were in town planning their wedding and taking care of related things. They decided they'd like to stay the night so once we all got checked in and set up we headed out to the Surfrider Resort to get some dinner. Johnathan had to have his seafood buffet, but it was a bit on the disappointing end. The fish was eh, it was all kind of random assortment. There were a few tasty items, a salmon pasta dish was quite good, but really the highlight was the view and the wine we ordered - I can't remember the kind. We then headed to the liquor store to get some goodies for the night. Josh and Melissa picked up a bottle of orange whipped vodka and orange schnapps of sorts for creamsicles, and John and I got a pomegranate liquor and a weird Asian vodka -- picked because of the pretty bottles - with some 7-up to mix. Somehow we convinces ourselves this didn't count as drinking soda. The beach was pretty cold by this point, and very windy, so we mixed our drinks in the Poland's room and played an all to informative never have I ever game. There were some very memorable quotes... =D After drinking for a while we decided pizza was required so bothered the front desk and found out the only place open was Safeway. After we got back, John and I decided it was a good break for some alone time and we headed back to our room.

Saturday: A crow woke me up at the crack of dawn with his incessant cawing. Annoying, but the sunrise was beautiful.

After catching a few more ZZZs, I threw on some clothes, roused the Tan from his slumber and got some breakfast from the office.... which consisted of some fruit, yogurt, bagels, and cereal. Pretty basic continental breakfast. The Poland's were up and ready to go, so they headed to the beach while we finished watching Little Miss Sunshine and got ready to go... and in Johnathan's case, napped. We met up on the beach and explored some tide-pools. All we really saw were some anemones before the tide started coming back in.

Then we headed to Galluci's for some non-exciting, overpriced pizza. Then we headed to the casino. This was my first time ever being to a casino, and I was hoping for some beginners luck. However, in a little over an hour, our set limit was gone... there we some times we were up too - but it was fun, so we kept going.... which I guess is the whole point. After the casino we parted ways with the Poland's and headed back to our room. We grabbed a few ZZZs before dinner and got all dolled up to go to the Blackfish Cafe.


Before we went to leave we went on to the balcony to catch some pictures and look at the sunset, and we hear this bagpipe music wafting from somewhere to our left. It was a really awesome way to start the night, and kind of neat to see an old guy bag-piping it up into the sunset.

The cafe... I really cannot say enough good things about this place! Our server was either an amazing person, or an awesome actor, and either way he was on point, knowledgeable, and seemed very warm. Our wine for the evening was splendid, the food was some of the best I've ever had. Johnathan had the rib-eye steak and I had the pork brisket. We both were amazed by the deliciousness hitting our senses. We wrapped up dinner to go to savor the flavor for the next day and to indulge in the highly acclaimed (as far as Yelp went anyway) homemade ding dong. Not ohmygoodness amazing, but it definitely did not disappoint. The only thing not amazing about the evening was the price-tag.

Sunday: We woke up to the first hint of fog/cloud our whole trip, grabbed some continental breakfast and headed out to meet up with Brittany/Corey at their apartment in Salem as it was kind of on the way home. We hung out for a bit, playing with animals until Corey got home and we headed to the Original Pancake house. It was pretty much a giant letdown after the hype Britt & Corey gave it, but... that's okay. After visiting a bit more we headed homeward. I5 decided to be a cocksucker from hell... and the day decided to be as hot. After driving an hour and a half, we stopped in Wilsonville for some Route44 Cherry Limeades from Sonic, and for some browsing and air-conditioning at Fry's. I get pretty affected by hot weather/the sun, and I was having a hard time of the trip. After wandering around Fry's for a bit, we decided it was cool enough / traffic had improved enough for us to give it another go. And... here we are.

All in all I think it was just what the doctor ordered. Johnathan and I got to know our friends a bit better, and discover that vacationing together or living together would probably be awesome. We got plenty of time to spend with one another, and I think that a spark was definitely rekindled, though I didn't know one was missing in the first place. We've got a lot of alcohol left over from the trip to carry us in memories, and I had the foresight to take a few snapshots as well. Thanks to all those that made this weekend happen. Now - back to being poor! True, we could have spent the money paying people back, or on a new microwave, or even for one of us to get our marriage tattoo... but, I think that it formed a wonderful memory, and could be the start of an awesome tradition.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

One Year

365 Days.
One Rx-7, Kia, and Dodge Stealth down. Not to mention a Rebel and Boulevard.
I've had short hair, brown hair, purple hair, red/pink striped hair, and copper hair.
Kidney stones, epic colds, fevers, busted knees and tummy aches.
Guns and glory, pinching pennies.
Drama tore us away from friends. Which have just re-entered our life.
We've binged and cut back, fought and made up, flown on top of the world, and been too scared to leave our cave.

Yet, it's all seemed like just the smallest blink of an eye. Just a whisper, and the days roll away.

Words cannot express my love for you, the dedication I have towards our marriage and the functionality of our relationship. The tides of fortune have washed over us, and withdrew. We can beat it, overcome it all, together.

I remain in love with you, as I did on our wedding day. You are still my soul mate, my best friend, my ally against the world, my moment outside of time. You are still my fondest memory, my fiercest desire, my strongest wish.

You are my Tan, my panda, my lover, my everything.

♥ 7 months ♥ 12 months ♥ 28 months ♥ Eternity to go

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Chipped polish
Shattered glass
Sickly sweet flavors
Life is
What it is
What it is not
Hello beautiful
Creature of my
Flesh born desire
Wandering mind
Solid rock
Crumbles to sand
Never again
Left without a word
Vanished with just
A hollow ghostly trail
To lead me back
To nowhere
Where I'm headed
Destined
If I could change this place
My hopes
My face
And all these things
I wish I was
But know I'll never be

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Inspiration drained
Tainted by caffeine
By THC
My own mind
Muddled with ash
Kissing sweetly
Searing useless flesh
Brings me to reality
Life is a muse
A gleeful child
But not as good
As a punch to the jaw
As hard packing sounds
Blood down the drain
Of my soul
Fuck capitalism
Bureaucratic fantasies
Follow the herd
Do what you're told
Or fight back
And know this simple fact
It's only when you've lost everything
That you're free to do anything

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I want to know
what He tells you
how He makes You
be the person that You are

I'd like to see
the side You keep hidden
the darkness
You tend to crave

I want to taste
the Addiction
the caffeine
the sweetly harsh THC

I'd like to feel
these things You claim are missing
what You dream
how You form these thoughts

I want to fully experience
what it's like to be
in this world
You say exists

Don't be afraid
to show me
don't be petrified
on my behalf

I'm inquisitive
and You've made me
adore You even more
than I have before

So if You have concern
over what I'll see
trust me babe
I can take it