Tuesday, August 25, 2009

it's been 5 months, Oh these violent delights.

So it's been five months now (and three days, but who's counting?). There have been a lot of confusing, agonizing, and doubtful moments during the past month. Emily it seems is still an issue. I can't help but be curious, especially when Brittany reads her blog and randomly informs me that there's a post which makes sense to be about John or I or the both of us. Today was such a time and on the cusp of me being sure I heard John say "I love you Emily" instead of "I love you Stephanie" I was not in a super open minded mood. So the posts do seem to fit John and myself for the vast majority, but all I have to take is his word as no names are given.

It appears that John does indeed have a job at Fry's, or will very shortly. This is super good news. We'll up our income and maybe be able to crawl out of debt and poverty and fly happily along. As for Target, well, I'm not exactly thrilled to be working there. It seems like once I learn how to use all the equipment then it'll be cake. Not easy, necessarily on the standing on the feet forever and getting all nasty part of things, but on the here make this look pretty a monkey could do this part of things.

Latest drama? Engagement. John was being super suspicious, and I voiced these suspicions to Brittany. She agreed with them and we went about our giddy way. After some bra shopping to celebrate Brittany and I now having the exact same boobular size, we headed to the grandparents. Suspicions were shared with them as well. They were happy and such, and then someone - I don't remember who - said I could just check. So, me ... being the girl that I am did. Hurray, suspicions confirmed! Then speaking to John on the phone letting him know what was up, he was like "So the card company might call to verify a charge" which duh gave it away. So I was like, yeah, I know. (Yes I am aware of the fail.) So then John feels like everything in the world fails and it doesn't matter anymore and all this jazz. He's upset and says that it won't be special or a surprise and tells me his whole plan he had (which would have been awesome). So then he's saying that now he's not going to ask my grandpa, or anything, and he doesn't even know if he's going to do it any time soon. Fail.

Although, I did tell him a few months back he had to wait until we'd been dating for 9 months before doing that anyway - and that a year would be just about perfect. Was this more for societal and friendship approval, or my own? I'm not really sure on that matter to be honest. When you know that you've met the one for you, then you know. If it happens only with a short amount of time, then it does. I've always been one to say that if you know you want to be with them forever, then propose, what's the use in waiting. If you feel the need to wait to get married, that's fine.

Then again, Clint and I were engaged and look how that turned out. I truly believed that we'd be together always, and now I wouldn't trade Johnathan for anything. So... love is stupid and always confusing. You knew that already, didn't you?

I know very few things. I cannot foresee the future with John, and that bothers him. I know what I want to have happen based on the current circumstances we are in, and that is it. I am not a mind reader, a fortune teller. I am not a saint. I am simply a girl floating through the world.

And just because.... Excerpt from Romeo and Juliet.

Amen, amen! but come what sorrow can,
It cannot countervail the exchange of joy
That one short minute gives me in her sight:
Do thou but close our hands with holy words,
Then love-devouring death do what he dare;
It is enough I may but call her mine.

These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite:
Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.

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