Today I woke up and went to fill out some DHS paperwork that I have to get into them so we can continue to get food stamps. Since in October I made some actual money - there's a chance we might not continue getting food stamps, or get a much more reduced amount. I'm hoping I can talk our case lady into letting us keep them.... since w/o them we're totally fucked.
In addition, for some reason I'm not sure of the employment department has denied my benefits. I need to call them and figure out why, and what I can do to get them. I'm working 20 hours a week -- making LESS than my UI insurance was. It would have been better for me just to not have a job...
Our bills for the month... phone, rent, w/s/g, electric, etc. are 100.76% of John and my combined income. Which means that there is absolutely no wiggle room... None. However, even with throwing whatever else (gas, food > FS, etc.) onto credit cards (which I hate doing!) we'll still be that .76% short. Not too terribly much, but still.
John is crazy super sick. Like... death. He coughed up blood and is crazy congested. Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do except put cough drops and the like on CC and hope that he gets better.
The Mazda... well you know about that.
Debt in general. We're barely staying afloat, and a large portion of that is because of CC and car payments. Without them, all we'd have to worry about is phone/internet/tv/rent/w-s-g/electric. I tried to consolidate all of the debts (totaling close to 10k) into one loan so I could pay it off at hopefully a lower monthly payment and free up CCs for those 'just in case' moments. However, because of the amount of debt I have - and the Mazda's late payments, I was denied.... so we'll keep charging stuff on CCs to stay alive because we're spending so much on payments.... Ah, now I see why people say to avoid the mother fuckers.
I'm thinking of looking into claiming bankruptcy. Yes, it would fuck my credit for seven years, but I need to do it before John and I get married if I'm going to do it. I need to pay off car first though, because I can't get that repossessed.
Did I mention we're planning a wedding? Somehow I have a feeling that it's not going to happen. I mean, see all the above and tell me how to pull over 4k out of that? You can't. I can only hope that we get a lot more help than expected.
John still doesn't have a job. He says that he's looking and applying everywhere, but there's hardly a callback. He hasn't even been on one interview since he was laid off in April. Not one. This is rather depressing as I've had half a dozen interviews and two separate jobs since then. Stream is ramping up again - so we'll see.
To top it all off, I'm freaking out and John's telling me to have faith. Have faith that his plan will magically happen. I have faith that if we don't pay rent we'll get evicted, I have faith that if he doesn't get employed by ... next week we're fucked. He seems to think everything will be okay - but I just don't see it. So he's being an ass about me being upset, because that's helpful.
Good things? UH... right.
I have a job. It's not doing anything but fucking me over for now... but it should flip to full time soon - which will help if John gets a job too- because we'll lose some if not all of food stamps once that happens.
The check I wrote my grandparents for rent hasn't gone through yet. This is our main saving grace for making it through November. If they had cashed it when I wrote it then we'd have no money at all for any bills. With that still in the air we'll be able to make it through November... unless of course they cash it soon... In which case triple fucked. However, I can't bear to ask them not to, they're not doing too terribly hot themselves I don't think. I'll just roll with it and see what happens.
Love. Yeah, love is good. It's nice to be able to turn to my fiancé and know that we're together regardless how the chips fall. It's put a lot of strain on everything worrying about money and plans and such, but we're still together. If I had to go through this alone, I think I would have given up by now.
Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
you have to stop on an even number or else explode
Hi, my name is Stephanie. I am freaking out in a medium to slightly hot fashion hot sauce style. I tend to base things on hot sauce scale.. mild, medium, hot. Yeah. So here's my list of all the things stressing me out and/or making me not happy.
1) My credit card that I thought I needed to buy a fantastic laptop decided that because I payed one day late they were going to retard out the interest rate to 29.9% and charge me a fuck ton of late fees. I am broke enough already, people! So with my debt on there it's going to be close to $500 a month in interest. Good luck me paying that off, EVER.
2) I have yet to pay my school. Because I had to give Az money for the apartment and put food in four bellies, I don't know when this will happen. More money needs to come out to provide roof for aforementioned four bellies. I would put it on my interest free credit card, however... it's now a 30% interest credit card.
3) The apartment hasn't approved John yet. This is minor in the scheme of things, but it's on the list. I, however, am approved and good to go. If he has no credit, we might not have enough to pay for the move-in fees.
4) Transferring to the new contract at work was supposed to make me lose $0.50 which isn't great, but not fantastic either. However, recent news has come to light which makes it sound very possible that I will be losing $1.75 an hour from my wage. That's close to $4,000 a year, before taxes. Hey, at least I'll be able to get into VALF, right?
5) This contract that I love is ending. Fifteen days, that's it. Something which I have worked so damn hard for and put my everything in -- gone. Well, that's typical of life, isn't it? What's the lesson here, don't try?
5) I am so far behind in school, it's ridiculous. I'm pinching and contorting to fit myself into these boxes. I don't even care anymore! I just want to be done. If I get C's I'll be super sad, but fuck it, I'll survive.
6) I have two weeks to figure out if I'm going to go to PSU or not in the fall. That application costs money, money I do not have and I don't have fake money to balance on right now either for the most part in a feasible and sane manner.
7) The relationship I am in has been very tense due to all this stress. It's like a new born being exposed to the wild elements. I don't know if it can take it, or if the storm raging around it will fracture its soft and gentle skull. I want nothing more than to find solace in him, and let him be the eye of this storm and carry me through. I cannot depend on others for peace in myself, however. I should have learned a long time ago that you can only depend on yourself and your strengths in life. More information on this section can be found in the blog prior.
8) My apartment is a mess and a half. Sure, it's super tiny which does not help, but it's driving me crazy. I have to put mental blinders on. However, in the priority of things school and relationship come first. Therefore, it can fucking wait until those things are on a perfect track or I just freak out and explode.
9) I'm super self conscious these days. I can't stand the shape, texture, anything about my body external and in. I also feel like I am starting to fray and/or break at the seams mentally and that my very chemical composure is off.
10) My piercing is super itchy and I keep bumping it when I try to get the hair out of my face.
11) I'm having to deal with this whole computer transaction deal. I love Drew, but I can't give all those tech answers, and I don't know what to do that would appease both parties. It really would have been better if he had done it, but that's pretty much over and done with now anyway.
12) I need to change my transmission fluid, and get people to stop hitting my car. What is it about my car that screams "Please, for the love God won't you please smack me with your door, back into me, run into me, anything!!!!"? My car needs TLC not smashery.
There's probably more, which is disheartening. I, however, was supposed to be out of this building 16 minutes ago. So... if I seem on edge, you know a little bit why.
1) My credit card that I thought I needed to buy a fantastic laptop decided that because I payed one day late they were going to retard out the interest rate to 29.9% and charge me a fuck ton of late fees. I am broke enough already, people! So with my debt on there it's going to be close to $500 a month in interest. Good luck me paying that off, EVER.
2) I have yet to pay my school. Because I had to give Az money for the apartment and put food in four bellies, I don't know when this will happen. More money needs to come out to provide roof for aforementioned four bellies. I would put it on my interest free credit card, however... it's now a 30% interest credit card.
3) The apartment hasn't approved John yet. This is minor in the scheme of things, but it's on the list. I, however, am approved and good to go. If he has no credit, we might not have enough to pay for the move-in fees.
4) Transferring to the new contract at work was supposed to make me lose $0.50 which isn't great, but not fantastic either. However, recent news has come to light which makes it sound very possible that I will be losing $1.75 an hour from my wage. That's close to $4,000 a year, before taxes. Hey, at least I'll be able to get into VALF, right?
5) This contract that I love is ending. Fifteen days, that's it. Something which I have worked so damn hard for and put my everything in -- gone. Well, that's typical of life, isn't it? What's the lesson here, don't try?
5) I am so far behind in school, it's ridiculous. I'm pinching and contorting to fit myself into these boxes. I don't even care anymore! I just want to be done. If I get C's I'll be super sad, but fuck it, I'll survive.
6) I have two weeks to figure out if I'm going to go to PSU or not in the fall. That application costs money, money I do not have and I don't have fake money to balance on right now either for the most part in a feasible and sane manner.
7) The relationship I am in has been very tense due to all this stress. It's like a new born being exposed to the wild elements. I don't know if it can take it, or if the storm raging around it will fracture its soft and gentle skull. I want nothing more than to find solace in him, and let him be the eye of this storm and carry me through. I cannot depend on others for peace in myself, however. I should have learned a long time ago that you can only depend on yourself and your strengths in life. More information on this section can be found in the blog prior.
8) My apartment is a mess and a half. Sure, it's super tiny which does not help, but it's driving me crazy. I have to put mental blinders on. However, in the priority of things school and relationship come first. Therefore, it can fucking wait until those things are on a perfect track or I just freak out and explode.
9) I'm super self conscious these days. I can't stand the shape, texture, anything about my body external and in. I also feel like I am starting to fray and/or break at the seams mentally and that my very chemical composure is off.
10) My piercing is super itchy and I keep bumping it when I try to get the hair out of my face.
11) I'm having to deal with this whole computer transaction deal. I love Drew, but I can't give all those tech answers, and I don't know what to do that would appease both parties. It really would have been better if he had done it, but that's pretty much over and done with now anyway.
12) I need to change my transmission fluid, and get people to stop hitting my car. What is it about my car that screams "Please, for the love God won't you please smack me with your door, back into me, run into me, anything!!!!"? My car needs TLC not smashery.
There's probably more, which is disheartening. I, however, was supposed to be out of this building 16 minutes ago. So... if I seem on edge, you know a little bit why.
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