Friday, May 15, 2009

you have to stop on an even number or else explode

Hi, my name is Stephanie. I am freaking out in a medium to slightly hot fashion hot sauce style. I tend to base things on hot sauce scale.. mild, medium, hot. Yeah. So here's my list of all the things stressing me out and/or making me not happy.

1) My credit card that I thought I needed to buy a fantastic laptop decided that because I payed one day late they were going to retard out the interest rate to 29.9% and charge me a fuck ton of late fees. I am broke enough already, people! So with my debt on there it's going to be close to $500 a month in interest. Good luck me paying that off, EVER.

2) I have yet to pay my school. Because I had to give Az money for the apartment and put food in four bellies, I don't know when this will happen. More money needs to come out to provide roof for aforementioned four bellies. I would put it on my interest free credit card, however... it's now a 30% interest credit card.

3) The apartment hasn't approved John yet. This is minor in the scheme of things, but it's on the list. I, however, am approved and good to go. If he has no credit, we might not have enough to pay for the move-in fees.

4) Transferring to the new contract at work was supposed to make me lose $0.50 which isn't great, but not fantastic either. However, recent news has come to light which makes it sound very possible that I will be losing $1.75 an hour from my wage. That's close to $4,000 a year, before taxes. Hey, at least I'll be able to get into VALF, right?

5) This contract that I love is ending. Fifteen days, that's it. Something which I have worked so damn hard for and put my everything in -- gone. Well, that's typical of life, isn't it? What's the lesson here, don't try?

5) I am so far behind in school, it's ridiculous. I'm pinching and contorting to fit myself into these boxes. I don't even care anymore! I just want to be done. If I get C's I'll be super sad, but fuck it, I'll survive.

6) I have two weeks to figure out if I'm going to go to PSU or not in the fall. That application costs money, money I do not have and I don't have fake money to balance on right now either for the most part in a feasible and sane manner.

7) The relationship I am in has been very tense due to all this stress. It's like a new born being exposed to the wild elements. I don't know if it can take it, or if the storm raging around it will fracture its soft and gentle skull. I want nothing more than to find solace in him, and let him be the eye of this storm and carry me through. I cannot depend on others for peace in myself, however. I should have learned a long time ago that you can only depend on yourself and your strengths in life. More information on this section can be found in the blog prior.

8) My apartment is a mess and a half. Sure, it's super tiny which does not help, but it's driving me crazy. I have to put mental blinders on. However, in the priority of things school and relationship come first. Therefore, it can fucking wait until those things are on a perfect track or I just freak out and explode.

9) I'm super self conscious these days. I can't stand the shape, texture, anything about my body external and in. I also feel like I am starting to fray and/or break at the seams mentally and that my very chemical composure is off.

10) My piercing is super itchy and I keep bumping it when I try to get the hair out of my face.

11) I'm having to deal with this whole computer transaction deal. I love Drew, but I can't give all those tech answers, and I don't know what to do that would appease both parties. It really would have been better if he had done it, but that's pretty much over and done with now anyway.

12) I need to change my transmission fluid, and get people to stop hitting my car. What is it about my car that screams "Please, for the love God won't you please smack me with your door, back into me, run into me, anything!!!!"? My car needs TLC not smashery.

There's probably more, which is disheartening. I, however, was supposed to be out of this building 16 minutes ago. So... if I seem on edge, you know a little bit why.

1 comment:

  1. To be totally honest, I'm at least a little worried about your moving. You barely paid anything for rent at my place, and your finances plummeted. I hope that you can manage a new place considering :(