Sunday, December 25, 2005
my Grandma died
I came home from Clint's happy. We played the SIMs some and it was all good. Then my grandma came home from my parents' and she gave me a picture of my brother and then very bluntly told me my Grandma Holub died, just out of nowhere. I lost it. I tried not to cry, but then it all came spilling out. Just... I never got the chance to say goodbye to her, and I would have liked to have known... not on Christmas, but when it actually happened in October. I guess it's good to know. I knew she'd be leaving us soon because of her age anyway, which is why I wanted to get in touch with her. My parents are simply unreasonable. It's just not fair. Yeah, yeah, life's not fair - I get it. I don't care, because it still hurts. I couldn't move or talk or anything. I just kept thinking of her... the way her house smelled, her mannerisms that truly made her one of a kind. I guess, when it really comes down to it, I'm selfish. I just wanted to say bye, I wish I had more time. Everything is "I". Which doesn't do much good to honor her memory, or to make her fell contentment in her afterlife. I suppose I just need to suck it up. It's just... to hear anyone say 'grandma' it makes me want to bawl. Oh well, I'm going to take my mind of this subject, it doesn't mix with me well... I should just be happy with my baby!