Monday, January 5, 2015

Back on the wagon. Again.

At the end of the 21 day fix I was looking better than I've looked in years, feeling great and like I was unstoppable. Then, for no explicable reason... I stopped. Stopped caring about portions, stopped caring about balance, stopped exercising just....stopped. I have no reason for why, other than it is easier not to. I swore I'd never fall of the bandwagon again, but here I am, very much so off it.

And ready for a change. Again.

Last week I started tracking my food, trying to get an idea of where I'm at versus where I could be, and came in 2800 net calories above my weekly goal. Essentially, I ate for nine days and only lived seven. Well, no wonder I'm fat because that was me 'taking it easy' on the food. So here I am, full week one of 2015 and joining on the new year, new me bandwagon! It isn't easy...

Last night, I wanted to watch a couple of TV shows, relax before bed. That turned into entertaining the husband until the wee hours. My stomach was a mess in the night, interrupting my sleep. I get up late, throw on some clothes and wake up the kiddo who screams bloody murder at me for doing so. I tried to change his diaper, to which he started screaming "NO DIAPER, POTTY TRAIN" at me repeatedly. Sorry kid, but running late on a Monday morning is not the time to have this revelation. After some contortionism and my big boy voice I managed to wrangle the diaper closed. Only to have the same battle for socks and pants. Luckily, my roommate who I carpool with was there to help me get him in his pants while I held both of kid's arms above his head in one hand and his leg straight in the other. Then I had to bear hug him to stop him from ripping his pants off and hurry him to the car... where he screamed some more at me, kicked the door close multiple times and it required the two of us to get him into his car seat, where he immediately took of his socks and threw his milk on the ground. Yep, it's that kind of day. Work is pretty busy (writing this on a break, which is so needed). I go the restroom to realize my underwear are on backwards and inside out. What? No wonder they were feeling weird. Did I mention also that my DH got laid off, again, on Friday? So now we're completely out of money like always with no way to get ahead, on top of everything else.

At this point all I want to do is go home, curl up in bed, and eat my weight in potato chips and ice cream while binge watching some horrible reality TV and leaving the kid at daycare indefinitely.

I really, really, want to raid the candy bowl at reception. Also I think there are some doughnuts leftover in the break room. Is there such a thing as food rehab? I think I need it. Yet, I can guarantee beyond a shadow of a doubt I'd relapse immediately. Can anyone out there relate?

For now, I'll stay strong, drink my "slim rite" shake and a big glass of water and pretend that they will fill this hole inside of me. I've got to start working out again, so I joined Bikini Body Mommy, my intention to do her work out or one of the 21 day fix workouts every day for at least the next three months. Because obviously three weeks is NOT enough to form a lifelong habit, infomercial be damned. I'll keep tracking calories & workouts in My Fitness Pal and try to stay at a net 1200 calories a day.

Here. We. Go!

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