Thursday, September 8, 2011

Here's to October 24th

It's come to my attention that apparently me being honest about life, and the situation I'm in has made people uncomfortable. I'm not sure why exactly, and don't really care. You see, life, it fucking sucks 90% of the time. I have husband who puts his own wants and desires above being financially responsible. Who doesn't understand that if you have $300 to spend on a phone, that means you have $300 to pay back debt, or to put into savings, to help cover rent, or food, or whatever other bill originated from your own wants and desires. I do. There isn't really any arguing with this. At all.

However, we are caught up on all our bills, minus Frontier which we can't pay because we have an open case with them. No, we're not caught up on personal debts, but if we promise you X by date Y, we'll make sure that you have it. Yes you do have to pay your fucking phone bill on time. Don't, and your phone will be suspended. Period. I don't care where you get the means to pay your part, and you don't worry about where I'll get the means to pay mine. My business, while sometimes written about, is still my business. You should not assume that bills aren't being paid, simply because I bitch about lack of hours and unemployment fucking up and someone having a completely fucked list of priorities. You want to help, smack John in the head anytime he mentions leaving work early, or buying something not necessary. Give him a pat on the back every time he mentions working extra hours, getting a new  job, or getting paid for outside work. Maybe we can condition a more secure future.

Yes, at the moment, we're completely fucked. No, I have no idea how we will be able to pay our bills in the upcoming weeks ahead. This doesn't mean I won't find a way. This doesn't mean I won't sell everything I have....what's left anyway, to stay afloat. This simply means that I am worried, we're broke, and I'm considering visiting a food charity to get groceries. That's all. We're alive, we're not facing eviction, or past due bills, or utility shut offs. We've a roof, electricity, water. We've still got clothes on our backs and shoes without too many holes in the soles. Life might be fucking uncomfortable as fuck, but we're living it. We're not giving up and resigning to let it all slip away. For one thing, if we stopped paying our bills, I'm pretty sure our roommate would be pretty upset. And thank God for having a roommate to split the bills with, or perhaps we would be fucked more than we could deal with.

So, seriously. Calm. The fuck. Down. Live your life and stop worrying about us. If you have concerns about getting your money from us, know we'll work something out as soon as we're able. If we've had to postpone paying you back because of the lack of work situation, I am sorry. I am. I hate, (hate hate hate hate hate hate hate) owing people money. You will get yours, as soon as we can stand on solid ground. If you feel like you need interest added to the mix, we can deal with that. Yes, I know we might have to bow our heads and kiss your feet to keep our relationships okay. I hope that we have friends and family that are understanding and are secure in their lives to be okay without what we owe them for a while. Based on the fact that I haven't been served any papers or angry voice mails, and the trips, home improvements, and extravagances that those we owe to are taking part in - I think that this is the case. And boy, oh boy, am I grateful for this. I am happy that those we care about are doing well. I am happy for you in all your adventures and success. I am hopeful that we'll see ours soon. I am hopeful that we can add to yours with delayed funds soon.

The 24th of October. This is the date that I am setting for when things will be okay. When life will be more or less normal. When I can crank up the income on my budget and see my left-over funds go from negative 8 to a positive... something. So, here's to October 24th!

1 comment:

  1. Life happens. Either the people in your life understand that...or they move on to something they can consider better. If they don't understand that you're doing your best and you have your own priorities [even if they're not in the same order as other believe they should be in...] then quite honestly, they're not someone you need to have in your life. At this moment. Right now it sounds as if you need help to rise, not fall even further. I have faith in can do this! Stay strong. Sad, depressed at times...these feeling happen....but stay strong through all of this!