First off, I would like to kind of shamelessly plug GoPicnic for making tasty box lunch things that I can nom on and not feel too guilty about what I'm eating. For dinner I had the turkey pepperoni with asiago cheese box... with dried cranberries and pineapple and an almond roca. Delicious! A little expensive, but I used John's free Amazon money to get so... not so bad. This, along with Healthy Choice fresh mix things are what the next couple weeks will bring to try and get balance while maintaining a lighter calorie diet. Did I mention that I'm a bit lazy when it comes to cooking? That, and it's crazy hard with John and I on different schedules.
I'm down a couple pounds this week, and the first time I've seen under 160 in a long, long time. Yay! While my goal weight is 145, I honestly would be happy with a fit 150. When I was 5'7" I was smoking hot at 135, so I think with the added 3" an added 10-15 pounds would do the trick to balance everything out.
A look at the abysmal housing market makes me wonder if Johnathan and I should try and find a home loan... or someone that would loan to us. There are a lot of places selling for so astronomically cheap that even with $0 down, our mortgage would be less than our current rent. Like, $200 less. So, I think that we're going to at least try. Well's Fargo at least has it all over their information that they're not super concerned with what your credit looks like, or your down payment. We shall see. It would be exciting to own our own place, even if it is only a condo or townhouse or something of that nature. It would probably work out to be the same after insurance and taxes come into play, but it would be ours.*
*Or, you know the bank's... but we could paint and tear down walls and shtuf.
I'm still waiting for truths to be made public. Still waiting to see something tangible come out of the apology given and the truths told to me. Telling me what I already know isn't the same thing as telling those you lied to the truth...
I wrote Brittany a three page... well, like 4.25 page note today. I tried to express my love of her, my hope for the future. It was difficult to keep from going to a super accusatory and dark place. I think it's human nature thats it's so much easier to be negative when faced with pressure than positive. So much easier to rant and rave and say the dark grisly parts we're feeling then to voice the happiness, the optimism, even the regret and/or sadness. I can't quite comprehend why... it just is. It is much easier to write about how a person is evil, then it is to voice that maybe they're going to stop their evilness. So much easier to write about the emptiness inside, than it is to talk about the love. Are we such a society that this behavior, self deprecating, self destructive, is actually what is encouraged from us? What we must be - to feel like we are part of the norm, that someone will want to pick us up, dust us off and turn us into something better if only we are broken?
In other news... trying to find a dress / dress place that has either one) a super formal dress in my price range or two) a semi-affordable dress I'd actually wear again.... it's tough. For a dress I'm only going to wear once, I really don't feel comfortable spending more than $50-$60 on it. If it's something which is wearable again, night out or what have you, then I'd be willing to spend at most $100. Am I cheap? I don't know... but I do know that on my personal clothing I just wouldn't buy something that expensive. I don't let myself by dresses that are more than $50 at all... just how I roll. Going to be interesting to see how this plays out. I'm hoping for something like hey pick a tea-length/knee length dress from David's Bridal in X color. So I can find something within my price. I guess if I need to skimp on elsewhere to buy the dress specified for me, then I will. It's all about the bride and making sure she is stress free ... well, as much as possible anyway.
My knee hurts like a sonofabitch... more on that later I'm sure. Off to bed!