Monday, June 20, 2011

I've hit the ten pound mark! Well, from my highest. Only 8 from my starting point. Still... Only 12 more to go!

Each pound loss results in a lower caloric intake to maintain loss... you know, since breathing and walking around burns less calories the less you weigh. Makes sense, but is still pretty difficult. Once I hit my goal then I can work on finding the perfect balance, but for now I feel like being strict is the way to go. I was worried about this week, I haven't been able to walk (or skip, or jump, or run, get the idea) very well (or at all) with my gimped out knee. It's still so's been a week now... I bought a knee brace but it didn't really do anything for the problem at all. I'm thinking of just getting an Ace bandage and wrapping it up super tight? I don't know... I just want it to feel better. My goal of doing the 5k at the half marathon in August is looking like it's probably not going to happen. Maybe September?

Still, I'm pretty happy with my 2 pound a week loss, and I'd like to keep it up over the next six weeks. If I stay with my routine of clif bar, healthy choice meal, soup - shouldn't be a problem. I just have to stay away from the temptation I have to make plates of stuffed mushrooms or... go buy a pint of ice cream... or you know, things along that line.

Fun posting time coming up in two days! (and even more so in a month & two days!)

Still waiting on things from people that apparently aren't going to happen...
Yes I do need it to move on. I need to see it. I need to know that all people, all of them, have been told the truth. Not just me, not just the people around the issue. Everyone. Complete transparency with the world. Complete openness, complete remission of the past, complete desire for the present to be better - for honesty to rule.

It's been over a week, I'll give it a bit longer. I think that things will either dissolve amongst themselves regardless of you, or you'll be made to do it one way or the other... although, I don't know if that counts, but for the sake of making nice for the kids, we'll say it does.


So, my grandma and I got into it a bit... and it made me pretty, really angry. She accused me of not giving her money for the wedding stuff, when I've been giving her $100 a month, as we had agreed upon for... the past 3-4 months? No, it hasn't been from the beginning, but.. still... feels kind of bad, when you buy people $250 microwaves, and diamond jewelry and stuff and start giving them money every month, and then you're accused of living it up and not paying them back. Living it up? Like we're going out to fun things all of the time. For one, I'm on strict diet mode... so, can't really do that can I? I linked to the food I eat daily, I guarantee not one person would call that living it up. I guarantee that finding entertainment in borrowing DVDs of Smallville or free Netflix subscriptions would not be considered living it up. Having $0.67 in our bank account at the end of the pay period... living it up. Not being able to fix the motorcycle I fucked up because I dropped it... living it up. Riding around on bald tires, that needed desperately to be replaced a year ago, living it up. Wearing shoes for a year after the first hole completely through the sole -- living it up? (I did go get new shoes, thank God - $25 (living it up!)) Having to use Johnathan's Amazon money not on fun things, but on food because we won't eat otherwise--- living it up! Having so many medical bills because we couldn't afford insurance... oh, and did I mention that I had to get screening for cancer - that shit ain't cheap! Oh, right, that's totally living it up too I bet. I should have just shrugged it off? Well, I did for almost a year because I couldn't afford the $50 down payment for the tests that was required. Being so stressed to the brim because both John and I were asked to be in Melissa and Josh's wedding and I have no idea how we're going to afford both the tux and the dress....

Yes, we do go out on occasion with friends. We'll find a happy hour and have some fun and spend $20. I suppose you could fault us on that. But in all honesty, I'd rather be paying off debt always and be able to hang out with friends once in a while than put that $20 towards debt. That $20 keeps us connected, keeps us sane. And really, can you call happy hour at Applebee's really 'living it up'?

I'm tired of living like this, you know that I am. You know that we're working on finding a way out... you know that we're poor enough to get help from the government to buy a house, and we're looking into that.

If this is living it up... I am scared to hell of what you think poverty is.

No comments:

Post a Comment