Saturday, March 28, 2009

Erections and Vomiting

Aah California. My beauty, my sweet, my paradise I long to remain in. Gorgeous and warm and salty and the best Mexican food ever - outside of Mexico that is. Let's start at the beginning, and when I get to the end - I'll stop.

I woke from my nap still very much tired, but that didn't matter. I drove to Fred Meyer to get my ness, and then to a MAX stop to pick up John and Az and go to Mat's. After idly discussing plans for moving we began to take part in extracurricular activities whilst John handcontrollered DDR. John then drove us to meet up with Az's sister for some boxes.

Az's sister is... not very Az-like, but fun I think. She did have a couple drinks in her - but I liked her well enough.

Back to Az's apartment for some last minute packing, some peoples came over - or rather person, yeah.... that person. So Az disappeared for a while.

Next day we got the car loaded up with Morgan, Az, and a trunk full of things. Off we go to Stream for final checks and good-byes. On to Winco for provisions, and hit the 5.

A lot of miles (and an averted crisis of me sleeping at the wheel) later, and some sweet pictures from Az - we arrive in NoHo at Colby's kick butt apartment. We nap, those long ass drives are tiring... upon awaking, we headed to In N Out. Nom nom nom. It was so sunny and amazing and fantastic.

We had planned on going to San Diego to fall in love with it all over again, and kidnapped Colby and Az for the ride. We were going to Sunset Cliffs, but barely missed it. So we check into the hotel room - with bunk beds!

Some Red Lobster nom Coconut Shrimp Candy... okay, it's not really candy - but it might as well be. Then we head back and Colby and John go on a run to the liquor store / heart to heart / apparently there was some giggity in nom-orifices...

We drink.
We turn in.
We giggle.
We sleep.

John wakes up to Az sleeping on the floor... what? Oh, apparently there was vomit dripping down the wall. Nice, that's classy. Haha. So we all get ready and pack up and head out. We go to a mall and wander (I got amazing board shorts and pink high-heels!) and eat (Nom Lamb curry-ness). Then we head to the boardwalk for some beach fun. God I love Cali! The beach is gorgeous the water warm - and it's March! We spend some time wading and enjoying the sun and surf and cute boys... then we head to the cliffs.

Some minor climbing and picturing and oogling later - we need some nom. So, we go and get amazing Mexican food from a little - like, permanent cart thing. So good. Sunset is over, we head back to NoHo (detour for most amazing Fry's with aquariums and shit) and take a nap while our clothes are becoming clean. Then it's back on the road again after saying goodbye to one of the few people in this world I've felt ... linked to? Something like that. I love her so much!

John drives for all of it and we talk about... well, literally everything. It was... I don't know if good is the right word or not because there still are unanswered questions which I will never ask - maybe I'll figure things out, maybe not. It was good I think though, overall. At least gave him some more insight into my point of view, something. Marco's Pizza is freaking amazing!

Once homeward we stopped at my grandma's to get some things before heading to "my" apartment. It will always be Az's in my mind.

This past week has taught me a lot. About plan "W." About living life as you want to, and not as society tells you to. Being able to leave on a whim, and feel deeply, and speak frankly (or as frankly as I can.) That just because society says something shouldn't happen, doesn't mean it won't. Just because I'm terrified doesn't mean that life will pause for me. Just because I'm shy, doesn't mean I'm not a puma.

I have values, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors - all of which often contradict each other. I love the sun, the sand, the stars. I love the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. I love your artisticness and miss your soul being in the same state as mine. With the two of you I somehow feel completely complete, invincible, and totally okay with myself. I am strange, I am irrational. I don't make sense, and most of the time I don't care. I am afraid of everything - and I mean that. I need to be in control, yet I love spinning out of it. I need to plan, yet have been plan W'ing it for a while now.

I do not want to go back to reality. This work thing right now feels like I am acting. I wish that everything monotonous could be done with (like school - blarg!) and I could get on living as I wish. I am happy teachers get spring/summer/winter breaks. I want to travel the world. I want to float in the clouds. I want to fly. I want to read your mind.

I'll leave you saying that I am content with my life, as much as I am amazed, dazed, confused, and bemused with it. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow, let alone tonight. I don't know where I'll be in two weeks - or in 10, or in 52. All I know is that I wish I could have paused the time continuum - for just... one moment.


  1. "there still are unanswered questions which I will never ask - maybe I'll figure things out, maybe not."

    You really should just ask...

    "living life as you want to, and not as society tells you to."

    Only way to go...

    "Just because I'm shy, doesn't mean I'm not a puma."

    Oh I know. It's fun though huh?

  2. What in sam hell is a 'puma'?

  3. I love and miss you so, already. There aren't words to explain the emotion.

    I'm glad that you enjoyed yourselves, it makes me feel less guilty about dragging your asses down here :) <3!